That Sinking Feeling
by WeEeEeEeEe
Summary: It's hard to let go once you've had a taste. SS
1. To dare to delude our minds

-

She hadn't called.

No call, no message, no sign, no nothing.

He had left messages. About 20.

So wasted now when he thinks about it.

What was the point? She had made herself clear before he left.

Everything he wants, and it's just out of reach. He has no control over it. And he is left feeling useless.

How frustrated, discouraged, inadequate, hopeless, he doesn't even want to begin to measure.

Its fucked.

-

Seth was downstairs at the kitchen picking aimlessly apart his bagel as Ryan walked in. He walked right to the fridge taking out the juice, shaking it, realising there was only a mouth full left he drank the rest straight from the bottle. He looked over at Seth, seeing him totally in his own world.

"Hey Seth. You gonna get ready for school?"

Seth carried on picking mindlessly at his bagel. "I really don't want to go to school today."

"Mmm." Ryan took a seat next to Seth.

That's all the prodding Seth needed. "Its messed up. The weekend has passed, and nothing."

"Its not all bad."

"Yeah well, it's hard to look at the good, when the bad swarms on everything."

"Yea I get ya."

"Do you reckon that maybe she has had the time, mulled it over, spent some time with her dad, talked about it, explained everything and maybe, just maybe, we can't still have something?" he looked up at Ryan, an earnest expression.

Ryan didn't have the heart to deflate his. He knew that if Summer had any uncertainty, she would have at least called. Her undetermined soon to be maybe ex in Las Vagas for a bachelor party somewhat free to do as he will? That at least warrants a call.

"Who knows buddy? Girls work in mysterious ways." He tried and hope it came out sincerely.

"Amen to that. Especially Summer. She's their poster child."

Ryan laughed. Even though Seth was so hurt and angry, he couldn't even pull off a decent angered scented comment about Summer. She still had that much control over him.

"What's the good though?" Seth asked after a moment.

Ryan looked at him questioningly. "What you talking about?"

"If its not all bad….then what's the good. Cause I am really struggling to see any goodness around."

Ryan nodded glumly. "Yeah I hear ya."

"Lets just get to school, see where we end up at the end of today."

"Deal?"

"Deal"

-

He had survived the first three classes and first break. But they were Summer-less classes. And they surprisingly whistled passed quicker then he realised. It seemed like it was cramming to finally reach the point. The evanescent deadline.

For first break he just disappeared. Blended into the background. Moulded into scenery, unheard, unwatched, unseen. The usual.

But class four. This class wasn't Summer-less. Biology. He loved biology, cherished it actually. His favourite subject. But now he was loathing it.

Both tastes due to her.

He only came to realise lately that a lot of tastes were due to her. Those seemingly minor tastes, the ones that you don't seem to care much about, but in numbers, when reminiscing, actually mean quite a lot.

He waits childishly in a spare room waiting for the halls to empty. He doesn't need – want to deal with this people. As last remnants of students scurried to their classes he journeyed on to his, slowly trudging his way there.

His mantra, "Confidence Cohen, there's still hope." Say and repeat.

Three steps away and Summer appears from behind the class room door.

And it begins…

"Ohh." It escaped from Summer's mouth. She wished it didn't. "Hey." It was hollow.

He heard the tone in Summer's "Ohh." It was surprised and he wasn't sure whether he heard trepidation or imagined it.

"Hey." Was all he replied. He didn't want to start the conversation.

Summer took him all in. It had only been a weekend but his changes were year like. His body language spoke confident but all she read was solemness. She looked up to meet his eyes, giving an empty smile. She tried to give a meaning full smile but hasn't been able to give anything more of late.

She was trying tirelessly of something to think of, but everything just seemed off. Now she understood what Seth meant when he said she does that too him. She sighed at that thought. It still flattered her.

The silent moment was stretching too long. _Just roll with something._

"So I hear your Grandfather got into a brawl with Jimmy." She ended up going with the off topic – let's prance around it for a while and see where you're at first approach.

"Yeah." He looked down smiling slightly. He knew what she was doing. "Who knew that things would end up like that? I'm pretty sure that back in the day, grandpa once tried to get Jimmy to marry my mum. Weird huh."

She awkwardly smiled back, relieved that he wasn't going to push it like before he left to Vegas. That was a very unpleasant time.

"I hear Vegas does that to people."

"Mmm." _Confidence Cohen, there's still hope._

She let her tongue roll around the back of her front two teeth of her closed mouth. She was starting to burn up. Seth hardly replied. She clenched her jaw tighter for a second. He was looking for closure, one way of the other.

But her mind wasn't concentrating on that at the moment. She was wondering what he got up to in Vegas. She had been for the whole weekend. Her mind was definitely not playing nice. She knew Seth wouldn't do anything, right? I mean they just sort of broke up hours before he went. Seth's not like that. He wouldn't do that to her right?

But he had been angry and hurt, practically fuming when they talked, when he told her he was going to go for the bachelor party. She remembered his reaction when she acted so nonchalant about the whole deal. How he didn't care that a few people where starting to look at them. The ways he still displayed his feelings to her, even though she was being a cold bitch. How his emotions escalated during their talk.

And he clearly indicated that something may just happen while he was up there.

But he's Seth. He's too innocent and sweet to get with a hooker. Or even a stripper. Right? But what about some random hussy who was vacationing too…

She returned her apprehensive gaze up to his eyes. "So how did you like Vegas?" She was dreading his answer real bad.

He kept eye contact before sighing, lowering his gaze. "What do you want to know?" he breathed out.

She sheepishly laughed trying to act naive to what he going on about. "Nothing. Just, you know, how your trip was." She bit lightly on the left side of her tongue as she felt a wave of heat rising through her body. "You get up or down at the tables? Cause I remember you being quite lucky."

He was starting to lose his composure. _Confidence Cohen, there's still hope._

"Well, I consider myself to be quite lucky, but I'm not really a gambler." He soo wanted to add, "But I managed to get you, even if it was for a while. And from recent happenings, I think I'm all out of luck." But he restrained.

"We, umm, well we, I guess you can say we walked out of Vegas a little down, but there's no shame."

Summer raised an eyebrow. "Really? Looks like you got some story's." She cringed at her thoughts. She bit her bottom lip as the next sentence crossed her mind, and she just couldn't not. "Care to share?"

She knew she shouldn't have asked. She knew she shouldn't have even thought about asking. But that bratty, wanting, prying child inside just _had_ to know.

She had asked Marissa what she could get out of Ryan, but they had their own shit to worry about.

He looked blankly at her, in an are you serious manner. He blinked a few times before sardonically saying, "I'm sorry, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

His composure was really starting to falter. He couldn't believe her. So what, she was going to act like everything was all good? Like they were gossiping friends.

_Confidence Cohen, there's still hope_.

She played with her hands. "Okay then…"

And the clichéd awkward silence ensued.

After the few moments, she realised that he wasn't going to say anything. She sucked in her bottom lip, and leaned on her left foot. "Cohen…" she breathed. She didn't know what else to say.

He dropped his head and nodded in resignation. He did one of those false smiles before dejectedly whispering, "You're breaking up with me."

Summer felt the pang of guilt and culpability swarm through her. Her heart _ached_ for him. She wished that she didn't have to hurt him so much. That was the last thing in the world she wanted. He was so sweet and funny, they had so much fun together. He really didn't deserve this – to be hurt so badly by someone he cares so deeply for. God she really didn't want to go through with it.

She could feel the gnawing at the back of her heart and mind, as they contested for dominance.

She knew which one would come out victorious.

"Cohen..." She waited for him to look up.

As soon as he did look up, she regretted it. He looked so sad. She felt the heat circle her eyes as the feeling of tears she was all too familiar from the weekend with switched on.

She willed herself to continue. He at least deserved an explanation. "I'm sorry – but – he is my dad – and he means a lot – and me and you – its…" she broke off at the end when he sighed and scratched his head in a non to pleased fashion.

"Summer, you don't have to do everything your dad tells you to. I mean, you have your own mind. Your independent. You do things you want to do. Its one of my favourite things about you."

It was now Summer's time to sigh. "Seth, he's my dad." As if it would explain everything to him.

"Yea, I know." He brought his right hand to his mouth, rubbing his thumb over his lips, his eyes still so solemn. He looked so childish from his actions. "I just – why are you giving up so easily?" he said it so sincerely, like he absolutely couldn't understand why she was doing this.

She could see he was starting to unbuckle. And the last thing she wanted was for her to bring him down where he would later think back in disgust in how he acted, his reaction and how he played it.

How low he stooped degrading himself.

"Seth it's not like that. You don't understand. You can't. Your family is different." She could see the slightest origins of minute wetness appearing in his eyes.

_Fuck confidence, there's still hope._

He looked intently at her eyes. He started to raise his hand to her chin, but hesitated half way bringing it back down. "Summer don't do this to me."

She tucked some hair behind her ear. Her heart was yearning. She writhed her fingers together, as the wetness glazed her eyes. "Cohen…please."

His eyes steadied. "Why Summer. I don't want to break up with you. I want you. Things were going so well. Being your boyfriend really is a dream come true. It's even better then a dream. You don't know how you –"

She didn't know how much she could take. He was still being so incredibly sweet and was hitting all her heart strings. She had to cut him off.

"Cohen yes, we worked well together. We had fun and all - "

This time he cut her off. "Please don't try to tone down what we have. Had." He added had cause he realised that she had been talking about them in the past tense.

She slightly breathed out looking up at him through pained eyes. "Cohen I'm not. Its just…we've had a fun ride, and…"

He kept eye contact. "And what? Its time to move on?"

She didn't answer back.

_There's still hope_.

He looked down playing with the hem of his shirt. "Summer…I don't want to do this…I don't want to move on."

Summer sniffed slightly. Her mind was reeling. "Cohen…we can still be friends. And hang out." She knew she was being selfish by saying the friends thing. She really doubted that he would want to hang out with her. She was probably the last person on Earth he would want to hang out with now. But she couldn't stand the possibility of losing Seth altogether. It would be losing a best friend too. Cause that would devastate her.

_Fuck hope._

He dug his finger nails into the palm of his hand, hoping to would relinquish some of the pain that was tearing him apart on the inside.

They were over.

He looked up to face her, but kept his eyes low. In a broken low husky voice he answered. "Yeah, Friends. We can still be friends."

He didn't want to lose her altogether either. He knew how special she was, and still very much wanted to be part of her life.

Summer felt like crap. She could feel the niggling of self loathing that was going to burst out later. She was already starting to hate herself for hurting him so much. Just one glance at his eyes and it was all their. A looking glass to pain, anger, hurt, and a whole congregate of others.

Seth raised his hand, this time going through with cupping her chin. His gazed fixed on her as if savouring this. Wrapping it up to keep for the lonely times too come.

"So I'll see you around, I guess." He whispered solemnly. Be brought his hand up to cup her cheek, caressing it with his thumb lovingly.

Summer, her eyes still locked on his nodded. She took his hand and cupped it in both of her's, holding it tightly, relishing his touch. To savour it.

Seth started to back away, taking step by step, his hand slowly being released from her clutches.

"So, seeya." He did a tentative little wave, before turning around.

Summer let her hands fall to her side, watching him make his way down the hallway.

She thought for a sec before biting her lip asking. "Aren't you going to come to class?"

Seth turned back to face her. "Umm… nahh – I've uhh – got some stuff to do – so umm yeah, ill see you later."

He turned around walking to the end of the hallway, disappearing behind the corner. Summer covered her eyes with a hand taking a deep breath.

-

Seth drove home.

He walked straight from the conversation with Summer down the hallway, out through the Kerr wing exit, straight into the parking lot. He got in the car, didn't hesitate to tell Ryan or even think about what classes he was going to miss. He just drove all the way home.

And it wasn't even midday yet.

When he got home he went straight to the fridge, pulled out a drink closing the fridge. He opened the bottle flicking the bottle top on to the kitchen counter taking a large swig of the Mountain Dew. He took another swig leaving the bottle half empty next to the bottle top.

He trudged up the stairs to his room throwing his bag callously on the floor. He fell unceremoniously on the bed, and just lay there. He was there for a moment and his mind sifted through what just happened.

His eyes filled.

He clenched his jaw.

He was not going to cry.

Not one tear.

Nope not even one.

He took a few deep breaths. His tongue running over his back molars.

He already missed her. Fuck, how was he going to deal with this? He was going to see her everyday. Every fucking day. On weekends there will be some stupid party he will have to attend. And he was going to have to act like friends with her. That is going to be an effort. How do you be friends with a girl your _crazy_ about. That's a good question. Time will tell.

He pulled out his phone. Clicking the buttons, he didn't even have to look anymore. A picture emerged. It was the one of Summer, the one he programmed to come up when she called. It was his favourite photo of her. She was unaware, totally focused on a movie when to took the photo.

She looked so cute. So adorable. He wanted to go up and give her a big hug every time he saw it.

He pressed a few buttons and watched the screen. _Image deleted_.

He closed his eyes. And sighed again. Pressing a few buttons, he waited and watched the screen. _Contact deleted._

What was the point in have them anymore. They were just painful reminders of what he wasn't good enough to have.

-

So she won't be calling.

He won't be getting any calls, any messages, any signs, any anything.

He won't have to worry now. It's a done deal.

Won't have to waste time worrying.

There is no point. Was there ever?

He can't have what he wants. He realises he never had any control over it. And he has resigned to feeling useless. Why fight it?

He is frustrated, discouraged, inadequate, hopeless, but there's more now. Throw in sadness, misery, gloom, self worthlessness into the mixture. He doesn't even want to begin to measure.

So yeah, it's fucked..

-


	2. The today, dwelt by yesterday

So…This was going to be a one shot…not sure if I should have carried on…but afta doing the first part, I started thinking…

-

It was now the next day now. One day since they had cleared the waters. One day since he held closure.

And it was a _very_ long day.

He was holding up in his room for a while, just laying there numbly. He couldn't fall asleep, not that he was trying. He was just there laying on the bed with only his thoughts there the distract him. And they definitely were doing a great job.

He hadn't had a crying session yet which surprised him. He guessed it was because the whole _thing_ hadn't totally submerged itself yet. Things were just glazing pass like watching traffic glide by from your bedroom window.

And yes he couldn't help but still feel helpless. Just standing there inanimate watching as the cars drifted by. Each car different size, colour, and going at different speed.

The one thing that did surprise him, is how fast time went. Before he knew it, Ryan was in his room sitting wordlessly on the side of his bed, hands together.

Seth looked over at him, slightly lifting his head before collapsing back on his pillow.

Ryan decided to take initiative and talk first. "So…hows it going."

"Just. Fucking. Awesome." The sarcasm dripping off his words.

Ryan nodded for a sec. So shit went south. He knew it was going to happen and he prepared himself knowingly.

"Don't worry."

Seth waited for Ryan to continue, but a continuation didn't arrive. Ryan had obviously prepared well.

Seth lifted up his head slightly looking at Ryan. Ryan just sat there unresponsively, and slightly satisfied, which kind of irked Seth. Seth moved up into an upright position, leaning against the bed's head board.

"So what?" Seth looked on puzzled. "That's all you got for me? Don't worry."

Ryan nodded carefully. "Yup. Just Don't worry."

Seth just slouched lethargically, borrowing the body language for his tone of voice. "Dude, since when don't I worry. Neurotic runs so deep in this family you will feel it clawing at you soon."

Ryan nodded again, but this time more receptively. "Just don't think about it."

Seth sighed. "Yeah that's kind of hard when I'm totally crazy about her."

Ryan brushed off the self pity thing Seth did. "Let's just go down stairs and grab dinner."

Seth either didn't hear what he said or choose to overlook it. "She is all I ever think about." He picked at the bed cover for a second before being hit by a wave of emotion. He quickly moved up his right hand to scratch his head, covering the line of sight from Ryan so he could dry the moistness accumulating in his eyes.

Ryan bit his bottom lip for a moment, seeing right through Seth. He knew that Seth would like to be alone and all that crap but Ryan knew better.

He stood up moving over to Seth. "How about we go have dinner, go for a swim then play some playstation.? Okay?"

Seth breathed out clearly not in the mood to do anything. But he wanted to get up for a bit. After all, he had skipped out on school, only to cower in his room. He just shrugged.

Ryan raised a stern eyebrow, eliciting a sigh from Seth. "Fine. But I'm waiting 30 minutes before I get into the pool."

Seth languidly got up off the bed, making way to the kitchen with Ryan following. "K. Good. We haven't been swimming in ages."

"That's cause it has been winter." Seth blandly stated.

Ryan shrugged. "Well it's not anymore. It's nice and hot now. Perfect for swimming. You gotta love the Summer."

Seth slowed, looking back even slower to Ryan. He was about to say something but ended up choosing not to, continuing his trek to the kitchen looking quite the outfit of misery.

They ended up completing the plan Ryan had set, but with much expected difficulty. Seth had minor moments when left with a minute to himself, would fall silent and space out. But Ryan's overall plan had apparently worked, cause at around 12 Seth had fallen asleep in the pool house amidst a drawn out battle that lasted way too long for high school students.

-

Seth may have been able to fall asleep fairly easily, but waking him up to get to school was a totally different story.

Kirsten stood at Seth's bedroom door, her frustration rising rapidly. "Seth sweetie, you have to go to school. You have got exams soon and you can't afford to miss class." She said is an attempting sweet voice, aggravation wavering on the outer tones.

Seth lay agitated under his covers not warranting entrance to his room to anyone. "Mum I would really love too but I've got this crazy bug and I don't want to pass it on to anyone."

Kirsten didn't even bother. "You got 5 seconds Seth."

Seth knew he was going to have to go to school. There was no way he was going to get out of it. He just sighed, sucked it up, and got up. "Fine mum." He went over to the door opening it, presenting himself as evidence. "Happy."

Kirsten smiled back condescendingly. "So very."

Seth knew that he was going to have to have this first day after with Summer no matter what. He figured he might as well get it over with so at least he can still be her friend…._some what_. He had absolutely no idea what and how their conversation would go, and how hard it would be. He was dreading this something special, but knew he had no choice. His heart was beating faster just thinking about it. Even his throat dried up slightly. He just scratched his head, none too softly, and made his way to the bathroom.

-

Summer woke up once again to the feeling of burning eyes, and sinking stomach. She had now accustomed herself to this feeling for a couple of days. And the prospects of this residing feeling of leaving wasn't looking too good and definitely not to plan.

A shiver is found rippling down her spine at the word plan.

_Like_ you can plan shit like this.

_Like_ anything, when in terms of relationship, goes to plan.

She moves out of her bed and lamentingly makes way for her bathroom. She comes out 10 seconds later deciding the bed is much more friendly then the mirror. As she falls unceremoniously onto her friend her mind starts cycling through the day that is today.

And the dread of _what if_ begins to coat through her thoughts sending waves of panic in its untainted purest form through her poisoned mind.

The panic, so true and unique, as she hadn't felt this worry before. She has never had to, cause she has never cared enough before.

The her poisoned mind, well that's equated from the disaster that was her parents marriage, plus the step monster, and well the basic observations of relationships as a whole in Newport. Yup definitely poisoned.

But she hasn't nothing to guide her from thinking the obscene. No experience, and her mind is letting her know it. And has been for the last couple of days.

She remembers back to when she was going to give in, and call Seth when he was in Vegas, but her dad came in. He wanted to take his special girl and Marissa out on the town, for a bit of shopping and dinner.

She also remembered back to yesterday, after she had the 'nail in coffin' talk with Cohen. How she did _not_ feel so good after. She went back into her class right after their talk and just sat there. Stoic and lifeless.

She didn't hear one word of what the teacher was saying.

Marissa took her out after school for some retail therapy, venturing to south coast plaza. But Summer wasn't with it at all. She just browsed over some clothes and accessories, not even attempting to try anything on. Marissa was kind of freaked out. She would try to gather some clothes for Summer to try on but she negated every attempted.

And every now and then, Marissa could hear a small sniffle.

And she would look straight at Summer and wrap her in a big hug every time, telling her it's still all good. And Summer would wordlessly nod back.

The insufferable clock was clicking away, muching away on Summer's nerves. She definitely did not want a constant reminder that she was going to have to see Cohen today, and that things were going to be fucked up.

The friends thing was sounding like some kind of condemning now. She figured that's what you get with fucking with choice.

But she felt like she couldn't help it. Like it was embedded in her, her autonomic mercurial nature. Cause with Sumer its all about control.

Choice Mind made + No regrets.

That's all the Maths Summer wanted to know.

It definitely wasn't going as she thought.

She had pictured the talk with Seth to allow closure. To give her room to think and breathe. But all that was happening, was that she was feeling costrophobic and all she could think about was her and Seth, and their latest conversation.

She was feeling costrophobic cause she has no control on what is going to happen to them now. Like she was set in a parcel all sealed up and ready for shipping. She knows that Seth can be unpredictable and that this _friend's_ thing they agreed on can go anywhere. She remembered going through all the scenarios, with all depositing an ill feeling in the pit of her stomach.

And she is left feeling scared and _so_ very insecure. Her eyes well up slightly again as her thoughts drift over seeing him again today and the possibility's of what could happen. Her poor sweet boy. (She didn't even realise she called him _her's_)

"Come one Sum. Get it together."

And her mind rolls onto what's in store for her today…

So she had taken control, made her choice, and now she was going to have to deal.

-

Just walking into school felt different. Perhaps it was the fright of what was in sight, or maybe it was the knowledge that Seth wouldn't be there to brighten up her day and relieve her from the animosity that was, dealing with harbour high.

Summer and Marissa both walked into school, going along as if everything was the usual. They merely marched up to their lockers, got their stuff together, and then made way to get a coffee.

When they got there Summer froze. Over by Coffee stand was Ryan. And where Ryan was, Seth lurked. She quickly spun around surveying the surroundings. She breathed a sigh of relief as she could not find any sign of him. But then the thought registered that maybe he didn't even come to school today. And she was pretty sure that if he didn't, she was a major part of the reason why, particularly their new friends thing.

She decided to query Ryan on this to confirm which way it would be. "So, did Cohen come to school today…or…?" She drifted off waiting for Ryan to answer.

Ryan took his time answering, giving summer a regarded, "Yeah, he's around somewhere." He could see that the break up was affecting Summer to the same degree as Seth.

Summer quietly thanked Ryan before ordering a coffee to go. She quietly emersed herself in her thoughts upon the conformation that Seth was at school, and that this _waaaaay_ fucked up awkward conversation was going happen.

Marissa and Ryan both looked at each other, then turned their gaze over to Summer.

"I think he already went to class, so ummm, I think you might have to catch him later." Ryan said, trying to help.

Summer took a sip of the dark futile coffee, wondering why she ever bought it. Old habits die hard.

"Yeah thanks. We have class together later before lunch, so I will probably see him then."

Marissa and Ryan both heard the underlining quiver of fright and lament as they watched Summer presumably make her way to her first class.

-

Summer sat nervously in the middle of the class, wringing her fingers together, waiting for class to begin. It was now the third class of the day, and there had been no sign of Seth. Not that she particularly looking for him, but usually somehow they always ran into each other before and after class. Well most of the time Seth found her, and she got the implication of not seeing him today clearly.

Slowly the seats around her, one by one, became occupied, till eventually there was no space for Seth except for the front of the class. And Seth was never late for class. Unless she was with him….of cause.

The Teacher came trundling through the door closing it behind him, and still no sign of Seth.

Summer tucked some hair behind her ear, opening her book, slowly becoming oblivious to everything around her, as her thoughts took control. They were making wild accusations of why Seth wasn't coming. And it was not very comforting at all.

Just as the thoughts hit home, the door peeped open with Seth trudging his way over to some spare seats at the front left of the class. He walked silently and discreetly, spotting the spare seats, keeping his eyes on the prize and not taking them off. He definitely didn't want an awkward _thing_ where he and Summer share a glance before sitting on the other side of the classroom, not being able to talk to her for ages. Not that he was particularly looking forward to talking to her…

Summer sat there frozen, as a warm coat of anxiousness encased her. She watched his every move, the way he walked, his facial expression, and how he didn't look around for her. He just bee-lined it to the spare chairs.

She sat there, her bottom lip slightly pouted, eyes morose, shoulders slumped forward, looking like a child wanting to have her cake and eat it too. She downed a slice of knowing acceptance that this was a large probability of how Seth would react. She didn't like the slice at all; it went down sour.

She bit her bottom lip as she looked up at the clock. And the count down began.

40 minuets left…

30 minuets…

20…

10.

Then the bell pretentiously rang, all too loud and clear.

Instantly, Summer looked over at Seth to see what he would do. But he just sat there as others students packed up their stuff and started to leave.

Once she saw Seth getting his stuff together, she did too. She piled the books into her arm watching him in nervous alarm. Seth took a couple of steps from his seat, before looking over directly at Summer, smiling timidly, motioning with his head to meet him outside. She nodded back in agreement breathing a sigh of relief. (She did notice how Seth knew exactly where she was.)

Once they were both out there, it was the essence of awkward.

Seth didn't have a clue how to start the conversation. Even though he had been thinking all day about this, he still came up with nothing.

Summer was wondering the same thing. How the fuck do you cultivate a friendship with someone, when everything surrounding the both of you is deterring it?

Seth swallowed hard. He tried to act maturely before by signalling them to meet up outside, but that's as far as his maturity reached before it melted, naturally, by the presence of Summer.

"Hey you." Summer said softly, her eyes firmly fixated on his. She swallowed hard. She was thinking of giving him a quick one armed hug, but he looked too despondent.

Seth shyly smiled back answering with a soft, "Hello you too."

Summer, noticing that Seth was standing a bit further away from her then usual just went on with banal convo material.

"So, schools finally finishing up." She smiled up apprehensively, "It's been a fun year."

This far into the conversation and Seth was already reminiscing with the aching feeling in his heart and stomach. The one he knew he was continually becoming more and more cosy with.

"It certainly has been an adventure."

Summer leaned on her left foot. She once again fixated her eyes on Seth's. She could see how much he wanted to get away from her. How much he wanted this conversation for be over just so he wouldn't have to be around her. It was like it was precipitating from him.

Summer swallowed hard once again. She bit the inside of her left cheek to stop the familiar feeling of tears originate in her eyes.

"Yeah it certainly has." The way he was standing a metre away from her was eating away at her.

"Anyways….talking about school, well I have got to get to class. And so do you." He showed off a toothy grin, emphasising his dimples.

Summer nodded obediently, but once again looking like a child who wants to eat that damn cake and still have it. "Ummm, yeah, sure. I'll walk with you?"

Summer saw the immediate hesitation and dread that consumed Seth for a second after her comment. And she couldn't help but slump her shoulders with a slight released breath, when a swirl of pain and hurt ignited her chest.

Seth caught the drift that she saw his reaction, and tried to resurrect the damage. "No, it's just that my class is in the opposite direction to yours, and you know, I don't want to be too late or anything." He smiled nervously.

Summer looked down, visibly anguished. "It's not like that ever stopped you before." And the slow welling of tears began.

Seth sucked in both of his lips, biting down hard on his bottom. He could see he was hurting Summer, but he wasn't trying to at all. He was just trying to relieve the mess of emotions that was going on in him. He was now realising the totality of the situation that he and Summer had now arrived at.

But he really couldn't stand to see Summer hurting like this. It was making him feel fucking shit.

He really didn't have a clue what to do next.

"So umm, I am gonna go head to class." He gritted his teeth. Summer looked back up at him, and she just looked sad… "So I'll see you tomorrow."

Seth started to make a step away but was stopped when Summer said, "Can't I at least get a hug?" And she looked so sad, sincere and heartfelt that he just had too.

He nodded dumbly. She moved forward to engulf him in a full warm hug, of which he returned in entirety.

Seth pulled back, too soon for Summer's liking, and with a small wave started to make his way up the stairs, wondering if it could have been possible for their convo to be any more awkward.

Summer just stood there plain and miserable. After a second she slammed her back into the locker she was leaning on. She stood there motionless, covering her mouth with her right hand.

She took a deep breath.

Then sniffled.

She leaned her head back on the locker while whispering heatedly, "No no _nooooooooo_."

And so was the nativity of their "friendship".

-

So…yay or nay?


	3. The eternity of the day after

HI.

-

One day.

One fucking day.

Yet it seemed like an eternity.

They had been officially broken up for one day, and yet here sat Seth on the beach by himself, not being able to bare it any longer.

He kept replaying their last two conversations through his head, over and over. And all that was generated was this unique and unfamiliar hurt. One that surpassed any other that Seth was ever familiar with, or even in the same league

He was just sitting there cross legged, hands playing in the sand, thinking.

Thinking about them, how they have had such kind moments together, how she made him feel, her smile, laugh, her fun loving energy, her unique attitude and personality.

And all that this made him come to a conclusion with, is how much he is going to miss them.

And the tears start up again.

_God_ he is going to miss her.

Being the one she calls when she is lonely. Being the one she shares her most personal thoughts with. Being the one she trusts and cares for. Being the one she wants to be intimate with.

And all of these things where things that she wanted to do. _She_ wanted to share her thoughts with _him_. _She_ wanted to be intimate with _him._

He lay back on the sand, breathing in the fresh air, and he says to himself. "She would smile..."

He was thinking about the way that he use to be able to walk up to her from behind and surprise her, holding her waist and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

And she would smile….

She would smile and take his hand in her's and they would make their way to where ever they were going.

And the words float through Seth's head.

She would be happy when he would do those things.

_He made her happy._

-

If you were to look over at Summer, you would guess she was daydreaming about being executive designer for Gucci.

But she wasn't.

She was thinking about Seth Cohen.

She was sitting at her study table, supposedly studying for a test coming up. She was playing with her long necklace, placing in her mouth, then twisting it around her fingers, gazing out the window in truancy. Her head was slightly tilted to the left, with a happy smile gracing her lips.

Marissa looked over to check up on her. She was sitting on Summer's bed, also studying. She sighed in relief as she saw Summer doing _much_ better then before.

Summer had being walking around aimlessly through the halls by herself at the end of school, lost completely in her thoughts. Marissa had spotted her and had been completely weirded out. Summer wasn't crying or anything she was just thinking, deeply.

Marissa had asked what she was thinking about, while guiding her to the student lounge, but Summer just shook her head.

Marissa had offered to come back to Summer's to hang out and study, basically just to keep an eye on her. Summer wasn't being herself, and Marissa was starting to worry about her.

She looked up once again to check on Summer, before returning back to her book to continue studying.

Two minutes later Marissa heard a sniffle.

She looked over at Summer and saw the personified sight of pure sadness.

Her bottom lip was pouted; her eyes brimful of tears with her shoulders slumped, still gazing vacantly out the window.

"Sum, it's okay sweetie." Marissa moved her legs over the side of the bed ready to move over to her. "Sum?"

She was just about to move over to her, but was stopped when Summer's vacant stare was altered onto her.

She opened her mouth, words teetering, anxious to be freed, but destined not to.

Marissa gestured for her to come join her on the bed, of which Summer complied, languorously getting up and moving onto the bed. She crossed her legs facing Marissa who moved back to her original position.

She regarded Summer, her thoughts intertwined with should I or shouldn't I. "It's okay sweetie."

Summer, after a moment shook her head. "It's really not." she stated in a morose exasperated voice.

Marissa looked on empathetically. She reached out, placing a comforting hand on Summer's knee. "It just takes some time."

Summer sulkily bit her bottom lip. "It's just…- I don't know."

"I'm sorry sweetie."

Summer shook her head at her memory's. "You should have seen how _so_ messed up things were for us today." She looked up to meet Marissa's eyes. "We basically said hello, and then you should of seen how… how …- I don't know the word, he was just so vulnerable – but - no, not that." She closed her eyes in frustration, gesturing with her hands. "He was so unsteady, like, raw.- I don't know…." She sighed in defeat.

She breathed waiting for the frustration to pass. "He was just so sad."

To this Marissa had nothing. She just moved forward engulfing her friend in a hug.

"What did he say?"

"Nothing."

Marissa looked at her confused. "What do you mean nothing?"

"He said about 5 words, said bye, then started to walk off." She whispered, the emotion from reliving the conversation seeping into her tone.

She bit down on her tongue "He would have just walked away if I didn't ask him for a hug."

Marissa silently 'Ohhhed' before saying softly. "Well it's not that bad. I mean you guys just broke up, ending a conversation is going to be awkward for a while." Marissa tried to reason, trying to tone down the apprehension that was vibrating from Summer.

Summer squished her fingers together, her breathing was starting to deregulate itself. "He didn't walk me to class."

Marissa raised her eyebrows in question.

"He _always_ walks me to class. He has been from the beginning of the year," she tilted her head slightly in a self loathing way, "all the way back from when I was lil miss bitch to him." She tried smiling it off, but the emotion completely overwhelmed it.

They were quite for a moment. "What do you think will happen with you two?" Marissa questioned trying to open Summer up, let her thoughts be said out loud, let them circulate.

"I honestly don't have a clue." Summer sighed.

"Want do you want to happen between you guys though?"

Summer looked up the proposed questioned giving her a supplement of energy. "See that's what I'm even more uncertain about." Marissa urged her on with her eyes.

She tucked some hair behind her ear before continuing. "Its different because… I don't know – you know cause… ." She took a deep breath; Marissa could see the tears starting to build up.

"And the holidays are just around the corner." Summer whispered.

Marissa raised her eyebrows. Once again she wasn't following. "What you mean."

"I won't ever see him." She once again whispered. The emotion sinuously building up.

"Of course you will sweetie. You will see him at the party's and events." Marissa wasn't liking how down Summer was. She had never seen her like this.

Summer midly huffed. "Cause those places are _so good_ to have a normal conversation." She said sarcastically.

Marissa quietly suggested, "Well what about the weekly Newport societal party's? You can sit down at a secluded table and talk and do whatever without being interrupted."

Summer slumped her shoulder's, bowing her head. "Greeeeeeaat….So I can see him once a week. Awesome…"

Marissa thought about another suggestion before shrugging thinking it couldn't hurt. "You could call him…"

Summer looked up, her eyes still moist, body language still screaming misery. "I can't just call him." she sighed wiping her face with her hands. "I respect him. I'm not going to impose on him even more. I've already hurt him enough."

Marissa's eyes started to water to, just at the sight of how miserable Summer looked. "Yeah, that was a pretty silly idea. Sorry." She said sheepishly. "Calling the Ex is always tricky."

There was that ear piercing silence again. It lingered before Summer slowly looked at Marissa.

"Ex…." She barely whispered.

"Ex boyfriend…." In the same voice. She released a small breath. It was kind of an exasperated huff. "He's my Ex boyfriend."

She sniffled before blinking a few times. She bowed her head tucking some hair behind her ear once again. She looked up at Marissa in an innocent, naïve pure manner.

A tear escaped sliding down her cheek.

"Seth Cohen is my Ex boyfriend."

-

Seth had finished up having some 'alone time' on the beach and was walking back to his house.

His alone time didn't really have the desired effect.

It started out alright, ended badly.

He was sorting out where he felt he and Summer stand, and how he wanted things to be between him. Because he still wanted to be friends and that _stuff_, it was just hard to endure these crazy warms of fire and wild impulsive burst of pain and hurt that were pitching a tent and making him home.

And he really didn't want to let Summer down.

She was really trying with him, but he just couldn't. He in truth wanted so badly to try and reciprocate the same effort and control that Summer had shown, but he just couldn't.

He shuddered at the word _control_…

It's just that when he was trying to be strong for her, those _feelings_ ripped open upon the moment he saw her, took her in.

As his alone time session flowed along, it became infatuated with memories of him and Summer, and it would really sting.

He would remember telling her a joke, making her laugh, and a delicate floury balloon full of dejected would burst in the pit of his stomach.

He would remember them kissing and being intimate, them being together on his bed as Wonderwall floated in the background, and a intricate vase encased of self worthlessness would shatter in his chest.

And all those resounding thoughts from the day that she dumped him resurface. The ones that revolve around being useless, oscillate with inadequate, married to hopeless.

He ambles in through the, of course, unlocked Cohen front door, eyes a slight shade of red, lips dry and nose moist. He walks his lonely path straight to the pool house, opening the doors, of course without knocking, and trudged in.

Ryan was sitting on the bed, on the phone.

"Hey watcha doing?" Seth asked monotonedly, unconcerned that Ryan was on the phone.

Ryan just raised his eyebrows, implying that he wasn't available at the moment.

Seth went over taking a seat on the side of the bed. "Nothing? Oh cool, so you can talk."

Ryan only now realised how abysmal Seth looked. Being kind of conscious about the severity of his appearance said, "Hey Marissa, I got to talk to Seth, he is definitely looking worse for ware. I'll talk to you later kay."

He hung up the phone moving to a position so he was facing Seth. "What's the go with you?" He said quietly.

Seth pushed the nail of his thumb into his for finger. "I don't know." Was all he said.

Ryan thought to himself for a moment. Seth not talking really scared him.

"How was your walk?" He asked lightly. "Did it do you any good?"

Seth shrugged. "Not really."

Ryan hesitated, he really wasn't sure how to make Seth talk. It's never been a thing anyone has had to do before.

"What did you think about? Do you know where you're at?"

Seth shrugged once again. "I got nothing dude." He realised an emotion sheathed sigh before continuing. "You try to think clearly, but then every single thing becomes embalmed with _her_ and then the memory's start, and then the residing feelings, and before I know it I'm fucked, just sitting there looking like a pathetic loner with tears in my eyes….and sand in my jeans." He tried to say the last part as comic relief when the tears started to diffuse into his eyes half way into his speech.

"See look at me" he said gesturing with his hands. "Fuck I'm pathetic." He said aggravated.

Ryan had no answer, and the silence grew.

"Your not pathetic Seth." He tried to reason. "It's just how it is."

Seth sat there, legs crossed, mulling over Ryan's words. "It's how it is huh."

That ear piercing silence that was happening to be around lately enveloped the room.

Ryan looked up to try and read Seth's face. He was busy in thought still mulling over Ryan's words.

_It's just how it is_…

The moments lingered and he could see Seth gradually climbing his way to his conclusion.

The ear piercing silence came to an aching death as the words left Seth's mouth.

"I can't do this"

-

Pretty please review.


	4. Lets fool our problems

I need more fic to medicate my withdrawal...

-

You know that feeling?

You know the one.

That feeling when you are anticipating something so great that when the time comes, it consumes every inch of your heart and mind, every inch of your being, the one that encapsulates the entirety of your soul……then it doesn't happen or gets delayed.

That feeling.

Yeah, I knew you where familiar with it.

The despair, the feeling of rejection, of being mislead, of your trust being abused, and the after taste of misery and depression.

Summer had been having constant reunions with this feeling. Day after day after day, the sentiment inflicting its torture, and she was waning, slowly becoming more and more miserable and depressed.

She had been in the frame of thought of a maybe compromise with Seth. Well sort of. She had dabbled with the thought, but it had not been properly considered, with many areas of it still flawed with leaks and dodgy backfires. The sad thing was that this thought of compromise was diminishing day by day.

The hope of salvation was eroding in correlation with the time that she had not seen him.

She hadn't seen him in a week. A week exactly to this day.

Every day she would drive to school, walk through the doors with this spark of anticipation, this hope that maybe today she can talk to him and see if things can change. That hopefully he still wasn't so sad and hurt, and they could still hang out and revalue what they have.

It was Tuesday now and there was only the rest of this week remaining for the school year.

And the week had been so terrifyingly lonely.

She didn't really enjoy being around the other girls, especially when she was in her angry women moods. She would get tired of their conversation and starting thinking about Cohen…

And the rest of the day dragged achingly long.

Then after school Marissa would come over and they would go shopping or tanning, and then she would be alone for the night. Usually she would do something with Seth, or talk to him on the phone, or at the very least he would text her stupid random stuff that always made her laugh and smile. She never really appreciated how much fun she had with him, how effortless the connection and chemistry between them was. She didn't understand how much she took him for granted till now.

This long week was a lesson, was the universe teaching her that life's a bitch.

The day after "the day after," she had just kept on playing it by ear, still rolling with her initial idea of being able to hang out soon and be friends._ Ignorance is not so blissful_. But then the week progressed, and so did the loneliness and depression. And so did the absence of Seth.

As the days of Seth's absence increased so did Summer's control over her feelings over their circumstances. She felt like she was loosing grip of her posture on the situation.

Feelings and emotions were slowly taking over, consuming her. They were seeping their way in, unwelcomed and undesired, poisoning her thoughts. At the beginning of the week she was being stubborn, barely acknowledging her dad, ignoring annoying people at school, not being bothered to conversate with many others except for Ryan and Marissa.

But as the week grew to its end, these poisoned thoughts gradually evolved into poisoned actions. She was now bordering with being obnoxious to her dad, she was snippy to the maid, barely paying attention to any conversation including Ryan and Marissa.

But as the week progress, so was hatching a new innocence to Summer. She would have moments, (when not in one of her semi permanent hating moods), where she would listen to others and try to articulate and understand what they were saying. It wasn't really a new attribute, but an enhanced one; she had slightly raised the priority of it. She had subconsciously come to the conclusion that she valued her friends a lot and that she wanted to be a good friend. The conclusion arrived when she realised friendships (like her and Seth) can end abruptly, and that she should savour them, and rejoice in their warmth and affection.

The thing is, she had only realised now what had been happening, how all these knew things were happening with her. It was like she was watching herself from the perception of a 3rd person. And she knew all these reactions were caused from one person. Or should she say the absence of a particular person.

And upon her realisation of these things, dawned how much she missed him. She just missed him s_ooo_ much.

Those thoughts about a compromise were being recycled, floating around her mind just waiting to be asked, to be prompted, eagerly waiting to be employed. She wants to employee them, she so very badly _wants_ to, but there is a throbbing nervousness and anxiety that concerns her every time she thinks about it. She just doesn't know if it would do more good then harm.

She was worried that Seth could easily be so hurt and angry about her choice and how she dealt with her father not approving of him that he could simply reject her, flat out shut her down. She knows though that the Seth she knows wouldn't, but people act out rashly when hurt and broken.

She remembered getting angry about his avoidance half way through the week, thinking he was being insensitive and selfish, the fire of anger was distinguished quickly though and all that was left in the ashes was tears.

She had a talk to Ryan asking what was going on with Seth, but he didn't even know too. He just said he had been very quiet lately, not really talking to anyone, keeping to himself by staying in his room most of the time.

That night Summer went home, the conversation between her and Ryan fresh in her mind's eye, and all she did was think. She went through her and Ryan's conversation over and over, trying to sift through it, to see if she could catch onto something, read into Ryan's words just in case he wasn't telling her something.

She just sat in her bed hugging a pillow to her chest, princess Sparkles by her side, and thought and thought. Thought about her and Seth, about their time together, about how she felt so welcomed and comfortable with his family. She thought about his family when the nana came for a visit, how he had reacted about hearing his grandma having Cancer, how Seth was all protective of her trying to save her from meeting the nana, how she thought he was embarrassed of her. How the thought dashed through her mind, 'what if the nana doesn't like me'.

Summer stopped everything. She hadn't even done the simplest thing to understand why Seth was doing what he was.

Summer tried to imagine herself in his position….

Her face burned up, her breathing went heavy, then all of a sudden it felt like all the heat was getting sucked out of her body, like a torrent was channelling all warmth out of her, and all that was left was this cold, bitter, lonely emptiness. She sat there motionless, stoic, frozen.

And from all of this, she decided to get her warmth back.

-

Seth strolled in once again to school. He once again inadvertently adopted his morose wounded look as he made his way straight to the library before first class. A place where he knew he wouldn't have to deal with people and was 99.9 sure that he would definitely not have to deal with Summer.

And so his day, like the rest of the week began. He would shuffle to classes going unnoticed, do his thing, and then scurry off to places no one would visit. It was a throwback really, pre Ryan Seth was emerging through all the pain and hurt. It wasn't like Seth wanted to regress but he thought if he could just last till the holidays he would be in the clear.

Some would say he was being selfish and a bitch, but he really wasn't. Through his eyes he was taking the high road, sparing everyone from hurt and heart ache. He just figured if he dealt with this by himself, and didn't concern his parents, Ryan and Summer, that he was saving them from his constants babbling, whining and from feeling sad because he looked so helpless and hurt.

And he definitely did not want their pity. It's one thing to have someone empathise, but to have people sympathise, and especially in his situation how he got dumped because the girl's dad didn't approve…. well it doesn't do your self esteem any favours, it just keeps deflating, sucking the air out of you.

The day rolled along just as how the others had. He would wait for the rush to class to finish, and then comfortably make his way there. He never got into trouble for being late; teachers always liked him as he was always a great student. For his breaks between classes he would either go to the library or hung out with the variety of clubs that he was part of. It was secure, just easy and smooth. He didn't particularly have fun coming to school and doing this routine, feeling like a drone, but it was much less complicated and stressful then hanging around with Ryan, which by association means hanging with Marissa, which by association means hanging with Summer, and well you get his point.

The day was running as per usual. That was till after the last class of the day, when the end of school had been so achingly close he could touch it. Seth had gone to his locker after the rush, thrown his books callously into his bag, then turned around and started walking towards the exit to meet Ryan at the car. He stopped, his heart rate instantly racing. He turned around only now registering that Summer was standing silently to his left. She had books clutched to her chest, her eyes timorously glued to him.

Seth at a loss of what to do said, "Ohh hey."

Summer smiled at him kindly. "Hey Cohen." She said warmly.

Seth sighed in relief. He really did think that she was going to be angry and livid Summer. His heart and mind smiled at how he liked to think he knew her extremely well, yet she would surprise him constantly and keep him guessing at her next move.

He doesn't know why, but the thought of 'We will be okay' strolls through his mind, so he decides to embrace it.

_High Road Seth._

He moved over to the lockers where she was standing, leaning slightly on one, a few away from her. "Hey what you still doing here after the bell?" He started. "Cause I remember you being keen on being out of here as soon as the bell rang."

Summer tilted her head shyly, smiling back. "Well you remembered correctly, it's just that I need to ask Mrs Jones a question about the English final." She answered back in that mild fun banter tone that had mysteriously come about once she met Seth. She didn't really need to see Mrs Jones; she could have asked Marissa or anyone else. She just wanted a reason to hang back so she could 'coincidently' bump into Seth.

Seth nodded back. He was feeling comfortable, which resonated extremely with him and came through in his words and body language. "Ahh yea, that English essay is going to be annoying." He cutely narrowed his eyes. "'Of Mice and Men' was boring anyways."

She tilted her nodding slightly. "Ohh I completely agree." She eased into a comforting lean against a locker, her back resting against it.

See, this is what Summer missed. Just feeling so at ease and secure with him. Reliving the emotion and sentiment made her feel…happy.

But just as she was thinking this so came the conflicting issue of that, she dumped him.

She looked over to Seth, seeing his soft expression, gulped and asked the question that had to be asked. "So how have you been?" She enquired, softly once again.

Seth leaned his back against the lockers. He really didn't know how to answer. He could tell the truth about how miserable he is, or he could sugar coat it, make it easier for everyone to digest.

_High Road Seth._

"I have been better." He replied softly.

Summer sighed. The torrent of emotions that she had been feeling for the past week slowly worked their way into her once again. She was really getting sick of feeling like this.

She didn't really like his short answers. Whenever his answers came in that form she knew he wasn't telling the whole story, but she got the drift of what he meant.

Seth nervously slid his tongue along his bottom lip. "How about you?"

She looked up earnestly into his eyes. "Yeah, I've been better."

They both shared a moment of understanding, a moment of appreciation and respect for each other.

They both knew they were skirting around what needed to be address, the need to put 'stuff' out into the open.

Their affectionate moment drifted to an end, and the actual conversation began.

Summer pursed her lips. "So I haven't seen you in a while…"

Seth swallowed. He knew he was going to have to explain about him being MIA for the whole week, but nothing productive ever reached his mind. So he decided to go with the truth.

"Umm, yeah, I have been really busy with finals coming and….stuff."

So what if it was a constricted truth.

"Cause you have been missing a few classes from last week and some of this week's."

It was true. He had been skipping some classes. But just the ones that he and Summer were in together. He would go and meet up with the teacher later and collect the notes, saying he was doing some extra-curricular activities. The teachers of course believed him.

Ryan and his parents were totally oblivious to his extra free time. Summer, being impassioned from anger with her situation with Seth felt like dobbing him in to Ryan, but thankfully decided not to. She really didn't need to give Seth another reason to resent her.

Seth looked to his right, scanning the empty hallway. "I have been a bit sick, an allergic reaction to this time of year. It's the poland."

And truth floated out the window.

He was clearly not making eye contact, coming up with a random mumbling of a shoddy story. Summer knew he was lying, but at least she could gather what she wanted from his answer.

"So you are allergic to Summer?" she queried.

Seth didn't respond. Why did he have to be so socially retarded?

She breathed in steadily. "You're avoiding me." She nervously accused. She wasn't sure if she should be too critical.

Seth shook his head innocently. "I'm not."

Summer breathed out exasperatedly, angered that he was trying to deny it. "Yes you are. You don't go to the classes I'm in, you don't even have lunch with Ryan anymore just so you can relieve yourself from me, and we always found each other before, and all of a sudden……coincidently….. we never do."

Seth tried to swallow the lump that was painfully crowding the back of his throat. "It's - " he opened his mouth, then closed it. He had no idea at how to respond. He once again tried to swallow, but couldn't. It felt like his throat was slowly constricting. "I… You - " He again tried to respond, but nothing came.

He once again greeted frustration and a slew of his companions.

Summer was intently looking at him, waiting patiently for any kind of response. He just plainly repeated his sentiment. "I'm not avoiding you."

Summer held her books tighter to her chest. "And what about Saturday at the charity event?" Her voice wavered slightly due to the emotion that the conversation was seizing from her.

Seth had asked his parents kindly if he could skip the particular occasion. They were very aware of his and Summer's break up, and weary of how down and miserable he had been since. No parent likes to see their child so hurt, and definitely did not want him to further endure more suffering, so they took compassion on him, letting him stay home.

Summer had gone to the event enamoured with anxiety, actually thinking that she might be able to have a decent conversation with him. But then she had asked Kirsten and Sandy where Seth was, and the feeling that I was telling you about in the beginning, that consumed her.

She left the event 7 minuets later.

Once again Seth had no response for her. He just bowed his head ashamed, feeling guilty and embarrassed about the way he acted. He rolled his tongue along the back of his front teeth, clenching them once the familiar feeling of the origins of tears made their presence noted.

Summer was gauging his every action. Her heart ached. She didn't mean to get stuck into him, she was just frustrated, and she dearly missed him and wanted to know why he was going to such an effort just to avoid her.

Summer's heart started racing. She bit her lower lip, hard. She was still watching him and when he looked up, his lips pursed, eyes glistened with tears, she felt like the worst person in the world.

Seth swallowed a few times, his lips slightly opening then closing. "I didn't mean to…."

Summer instinctively found herself reaching for his hand, cupping it in both of hers. "No its okay." She soothed, looking up at him caringly. "I'm not mad or angry or anything like that sweetie, it's just that" she closed her eyes momentarily, willing herself to continue. He deserved to be told what she had been thinking for the past week. "It's just that I have missed you." She finished off gently.

Summer hesitated. When she said that out loud it didn't bode well. She was having second thoughts on whether or not he actually deserved to know that, or if it was her being selfish, trying to seek her goal of being friends and not losing him. She looked downed the hallway, just so she didn't have to look at him. Yeah, it seemed that a compromise was absolutely no where in sight.

An awkward silence echoed through the hallway. A distant sound of footsteps sounded off, bouncing around the empty area. A moment later a teacher walked through silently observing the interaction of two students.

Summer let Seth's hand slide out from hers.

Seth dug his finger nails into the palm of his hand. "I've missed you too Sum."

And the way he says it, so caringly, so tender and soft, while his loving gaze pours into her soul, it makes her feel so fucking special.

The teacher carries on knowingly, an empathising expression on his face, his foot steps signing off, disappearing behind a corridor.

Summer eyes started to well up. "It's just that I have been so lonely, and just knowing that you don't want to be near me, it really hurts."

Seth sighed in understanding keeping his eyes on hers. He knew that she had just taken a gallant step by admitting what she had just said. He looked at her. Just simply took her in. He had missed tracing over her features with his eyes, taking mental notes and pictures so he could refine and recreate next time he opened up that book.

"I'm sorry." He was _really _burning up.

Summer looked directly at him, sighing in compassion. _His apologising_… _Oh god. Now I've made him feel like the bad guy. Nice going Summer_... she thought loathingly.

"No – No, you don't have to apologise." Summer appeased. He looked so innocent, and was being so understanding and open. "It's just….." she hesitated softly; worry overwhelming her for a moment. She didn't know whether or not to ask the question. She could come off a hundred different things; selfish, prying, demanding, needy … the list went on.

But she just had to ask.

"Why?"

Seth instantly went stiff. He had gone from burning up to numb in no time. He had no answer.

"Umm…." And there was silence. They both kept their eyes on each other.

Seth lowered his head. "I don't know."

It was the truth. He didn't plan on doing this, avoiding her by skipping class; it was just an autonomic / impulsive, action that his brain made him do when faced with the situation.

Summer mirrored his actions, lowering his head. "Seth…." She prompted delicately.

"It's the truth." He yearned.

Summer's lowered head caught sight of Seth's right hand. - It was shaking. -

She could tell she was tearing him apart inside. She couldn't blame him at all for avoiding her. Look what she did when she was with him.

She looked up at him, her facial expression wrote of pure gloom.

Seth unsteadily scratched his head, even though she didn't deserve to get an explanation, the sight of her like this motivated him to take the step. He would always eventually fall to her wants.

"It's different for us; it's not like a normal break up thing, because nothing had happened in our relationship for it to change my feelings for you." He waited a moment to see her reaction. She was intently looking back at him, so he decided to continue.

"So it's just like we've being going out, everythings all good, then stopped cause of no reason. I still really care for you and have these strong feelings for you….but can't do anything with them." He swallowed uneasily, blinking a few times not letting any tears surface. "So I still have really strong feelings, but can't act on them or do anything. I just have to wait till they subside, or go away…."

Summer didn't respond. She just kept looking at him. She felt all these things spark up in her during what he just said.

And all she could think of was '_Wow Summer. You really did fucking messed things up.'_

She didn't want to blink, it would be the slight push that the tears needed / wanted before they were set free, clear to abseil to freedom.

Summer bit the corner of her bottom lip. "So you just need some time…" she drifted off clearly becoming overwhelmed with emotion. Her voice wavering at the end of her sentence.

_O. So that's how that line comes about._

Seth wordlessly nodded. He felt like he had done enough talking. Yeah, it was obvious he was feeling sick, and it wasn't the flu type sick.

"Oh, okay." Summer wispily replied. Any thoughts of a compromise now vanishing.

"Okay" Seth slowly said back.

They both simultaneously took the step towards each other, wrapping their arms around, embracing each other in a warm comforting hug.

Seth hugged her tightly closing his eyes, breathing heavily.

Summer pressed herself firmly to him, holding him tightly, as a tear slipped out.

After a long moment they both pulled apart, summer made sure to dry the tear or any remnant of such on his jumper, Seth pulled his bag closer to his hip, smiled tenderly showing off his dimples before making his way past her towards the exist.

Summer stood there solemnly. Then she clenched her jaw. Then she shrugged in that self loathing 'look what you did' way.

"_Good_." She thought in resentment.

"_Great_." She proclaimed as she started to work to her locker.

"_Good work Sum_." She nodded agreeing with herself. "_Look what you've gone and done_." She opened her locker shoving her books in her bag. "_Good on you. Fucking good. On . you._" The tears were seeping their way to the surface.

"_You deserve it_." She thought in fury. "_Cause now you've gone and hurt him and he can't stand to be around you._" A few tears escaped. "_Yup he can't fucking stand to be around you. And you deserve it_."

She slammed the locker shut. "_Yup. You fucking deserve it._"

-

Please review


	5. Undiplomatic Atheism

Hi. Filler chap.

-

Plop…

Plop…

Plop…

Ryan came making his way through the pool house door, walking through falling lazily on his bed. He turned his head to the side. To his utter _un_surprise, Seth was sitting in his room throwing a ball against a wall. He was looking lost, spaced out in his own world. Ryan wondered if Seth even noticed him coming in.

He looked at Seth for a moment waiting to see if he would snap out of his thoughts and come back to reality. "Seth.?"

Seth's head snapped over to where Ryan was sitting. "Oh hey Ryan." He said wearily before he squinted. "When did you come in?" Right after he and Summer had that gut wrenching talk at the end of school, he drove home and came straight to the pool house.

"Just a few moments ago… are you alright?" Ryan inquired worriedly.

Seth pursed his lips together. "Am I alright." He sighed throwing the ball once more. "I feel so drained and…crap, I having nothing to say about that would lighten me."

Ryan raised an eyebrow, holding a tight sympathetic expression. "Well, let's play some playstation."

Seth sighed again. "That's what I came here to do. I started the game, was well on my way to getting into it, but I never did. I was just like meh… I don't feel like doing this right now."

Ryan looked at him carefully, and kind of worried. "Really?"

Seth loathingly nodded. "Yup. I didn't feel like playing games. I didn't _want_ to play playstation."

Ryan waited a moment trying to sus out the possibilities. _Definitely Summer_... "So did you and summer have a talk or something?"

Seth breathed out another heavy sigh. "I can't believe she dumped me because her dad didn't like me." She said exasperated, like he absolutely could not even fathom the notion being thought of more then a few minutes. "I just can't believe she could do that." He continued, more to himself then to Ryan.

Ryan sighed in relief. At least he was willing to talk now. Something really bad must have just happened between them. "So what happened?"

Marissa came strolling through the pool house doors. The sore sight of Seth caught her eye; she quietly moved over to sit beside Ryan.

Seth tiredly looked over at Marissa. "Hey Marissa." He said adopting his mood, using it in place of tone.

Marissa smiled back timidly. "Hey Seth." She looked at Ryan as if saying 'What's going on?'

Ryan looked back as if saying, 'Dunno. Just came in and he was sitting in here already.'

Seth gestured with his hands to signal them to stop what they were doing. "Guys can you not do that. I am right here. If you want to know what is going on with me just ask. I am not too shy to talk."

Ryan shrugged saying. "Well the past week Seth would definitely disagree with you."

"Well Summer and I had a nice little chat and last week Seth is now a shadow of a memory. I have run into one of Summer's wall's, and once again got opened up and bruised and…." He whispered to himself 'broken' before continuing talk to Ryan and Marissa, "and came off second best."

He looked at them but they remained silent. "So yeah, that Seth has vanished, and this Seth has emerged."

Marissa looked at him intrigued. "And what Seth would that be."

Seth went to open his mouth, but then closed it. "I – I don't know." He shook his head in anonymity "– I don't have a clue."

Ryan looked at him quizzically. That was nothing unusual, he hardly ever got what Seth was saying. But Marissa – Marissa knew and understood exactly what Seth was saying.

"Seth…" Marissa found her self saying.

Ryan was confused and Seth was being quiet again, so he decided to ask the question for the third time. "So what happened today at school." He didn't know if he should pry further but what happened between them must have been bad, really bad if seeing the way Seth was acting right now. "How bad was it? Screaming? Yelling? A rage black out? Any hateful words thrown about?"

Marissa was unaware of what had happened between them at school too. Summer had driven to school by herself turning down the offer when she heard that Marissa was going to give Ryan but not Seth a lift.

Seth didn't really want to talk about his and Summer's conversation, as you could probably tell from him avoiding the subject twice before. "After all the crap that we had been through in the past year, this is how it ends for us." A bitter smile surfaced. "God this sucks."

Marissa was actually feeling sorry for him. It was kind of weird seeing as though her best friend had caused him so much pain, but in one twisted view she did have reason, and as far as respect went, she couldn't blame Summer on her decision.

Even so, Marissa wasn't liking how Seth was so down and broken. She was so used to his fun quirky upbeat tune that his current depressed banal mood was kind of weirding her out.

"Well if it's any consolation, I am pretty sure that Summer is not doing so well either." She tried to sound reassuring.

Seth huffed in irritation. "That actually makes me feel more- me more frustrated and confused. I just don't get it." He waited a moment considering which direction to take. He was Seth, of course he was going to talk it all out.

He took a deep breath then started. "We talked this afternoon, right after school. And we talked about - stuff." He clicked his tongue a few times. "She said some stuff that just doesn't make sense. I mean it is like the biggest catch 22 ever. She dumps me then says this stuff that just doesn't make sense, _in reason,_ why that she would feel it necessary to break up with me."

He shoved his hands in his pockets. "The girl just doesn't make sense."

Ryan and Marissa waited to see if he would carry on, which of course he did. "She acts like this, like the break up is really hurting her, but then she carries on like there is not option of maybe that we shouldn't have broken up and we can get back together."

Marissa 'ohhed" at his words. He was still carrying hope.

But the sad thing was he was shredding shades, he no longer resembled his actual self. It was like his colour riddled tones of personality and self awareness were fading from the pain, the anguish – because of Summer.

Even though he was still carrying hope, there was crippling sense of trepidation that wouldn't allow himself to fall back in to a relationship with her. If such a thing were to happen, if he and Summer were to get back together, it would be an eventual thing. Not a snap decision like how they lost their virginity. Roads had to be repaired, bridges rebuilt, connections restrung.

She figured it would be a suitable venture though. You can't just cut someone in half and expect to say "Opps, that was a silly choice, but _I am over that_, lets get things back how they were _now_."

His self esteem and self worth had been shredded, shattered. It would take time and care for Summer to repair them.

Marissa smiled at him shyly. She couldn't help but to ask the question. It was about her best friend after all.

"You're in love with her aren't you?"

Seth looked up at her, desperately trying not to show too much emotion. "…No."

Ryan and Marissa looked at each other. They both collected what they wanted from the answer.

Seth saw them both do that thing where they think that they know something that you don't.

He stood to go get some water, too angry and drained to try and talk his way out of what they thought. Maybe subconsciously he knew they had come to the right conclusion. Yea… he knew too.

That didn't mean he had to be happy about it…

"You know what, I'm really sick of feeling like this. Always feeling like crap, I never feel like doing anything. There is this perpetual aching that is just so annoying and draining. Its just crap." He filled a glass of water. "And I'm sick of constantly being rejected by her in absolutely anything I do… _Everything_ I do."

Ryan and Marissa looked at each other in a regarded fashion. Maybe Marissa shouldn't have played the Love card.

"Why was she even with me in the beginning?" The words rebounded off walls of the pool house, resulting in the inability to ignore them, escape them.

Marissa breathed out worriedly. The undertones were shuffling up from beneath the murky water. She could read them loud and clear.

_Seth was starting to question what they had. But even more so, he was starting to question Summer's feeling for him. _

He took a long gulp of water. "But I mean this is probably for the best right? I mean I knew it couldn't last that long. Who was I even kidding in the first place? Remember that time at Cotillion?"

He shook his head at the thoughts, and at the ones that were surfacing. "Member the time where I asked her out, right at the beginning of the school year, and how a few cheerleaders walked past and she got all tense acting like she didn't know me."

He released a laboured huff, laughing at himself. "Nothing more self satisfying then being constantly rejected by her. Time after time, over and over." He took a gulp of water, moving over to lean against the wall.

"How about when I got up on the coffee cart? Cause only a fucking loser like me would do something like that."

There was silence.

"Yup, its great actually, cause then the holidays are coming up and we can go our separate ways." He nodded as if to coax himself into believing that.

Ryan and Marissa had nothing to say.

After a few moments, he shook his head in disgust. "I can't believe she dumped me because of her dad."

He took another gulp of water.

He looked at Marissa. "She is just…why did she – why couldn't she." He nodded. "_Awesome._"

An emphatic infant of a grin emerged on Seth's face. "You know if I was one with a masochistic heart, I think I would be in constant euphoria."

Marissa narrowed her eyes at his statement.

It was weird being on the other side. She was so used to being informed to their relationship through Summer's eyes that it felt like Seth was talking about a different relationship.

"Summer wasn't really like that to you, though." Marissa asked enquiringly. It was suppose to be a statement, not a question, but she really didn't have much of a clue what really went on with them behind closed doors.

Seth looked unsteadily at her for a moment. She could see Seth's tongue rolling along the front of his teeth.

He didn't answer. He just shrugged nonchalantly before walking towards the pool house exit. "I'm going to have a nap."

Marissa's head slowly moved to look at Ryan. "Well, Seth is definitely not doing so well."

Ryan simply nodded in agreement. "What was with him talking about the past week Seth, and you asking him about this week Seth, and all that."

Marissa bit her bottom lip tensely. "Well it's cause umm, - Summer has sort of accidently – she didn't mean to – but she has kind of made Seth fall off his rails. Like she has kind of unintentionally produced this wavering thought in his mind that he is not good enough, that the way he is, it doesn't quite fill all the gaps..." She ended softly. "If you know what I mean…"

Ryan nodded. A weird swirling thing harassed the pit of his stomach.

-

Marissa walked through the vast emptiness that was Summer's home. It was around 8 at night, and the house did not feel very comforting at all. She had decided to pay Summer a visit after that little debacle with Seth. The talk between Seth and Summer had really peaked her curiosity, and she wanted to check up on Summer personally, if anything just to keep her company.

She made her way upstairs, walking through the hallway to Summer's room. She knocked lightly before walking in.

Summer was lying down on her bed watching the valley, tissue box close by with a few used tissues discarded on the floor.

She sat up. "Hey Coop. I didn't know you were coming over." She tried wiping away any marks from her face.

Marissa quietly walked over to her taking a seat next to Summer on the bed. "Yeah, I thought you might like some company."

Summer smiled mouthing thank you. She moved over positioning her self so that she could lie down, resting her head in Marissa's lap.

They watched the happenings on the television for a while in silence. Marissa didn't need to say anything, she was just being there, waiting for Summer to talk when she so felt it fit.

The episode finished but neither moved. The remote sat idly by their side on the bed but neither made a move to collect it.

"I made a mistake." Summer said softly.

Marissa looked down at her. She silently stroked her hair soothingly curling it away from her face tucking it behind her ear.

"I shouldn't have treated him like that." She took in a deep breath.

"We had a talk today." She released the breath. "Like a huge talk, massive. It was very big." She said in a child like tone. It was the innocence that superseded the rest.

"So I heard." Marissa spoke softly.

Summer shifted her body to look up to Marissa. "You talked to Cohen?"

She nodded. "Yeah he was in the pool house when Ryan and I came back from school."

Summer sat up immediately. "What did he say?" She asked without skipping a beat.

Marissa smiled back empathetically. "You know I am not going to tell you."

Summer looked at her in anguish. "Coop please. I am begging you."

"You know I won't be able to. It was just a long senseless monologue. Ryan and I barely said anything."

"Cooo-_oooop_." Summer whined.

Marissa pursed her lips. "Summer you know anything I say will be out of context and will only cause you more trouble. And it's not fair on Seth."

Summer huffed up. "You are supposed to be my best friend."

"I am your best friend." Marissa sighed slighty giving in. "He is just hurting. He just doesn't get it."

Summer expression mitigated to soft. "O."

Marissa crossed her legs comfortably. "I think you just got to see where you both are at tomorrow."

Summer nodded solemnly. She moved over so that she was lying down once again in Marissa's lap. She grabbed the remote selecting the next episode. She wanted to know more about what Seth had said, but she was too tired drained and she knew Marissa was right. There was also a slithering feeling of panic that she might hear something that could have some serious potential to do damage.

"Just got to wait and see how things are tomorrow." Summer said softly.

So she lay silent, watching her T.V show, waiting for her eyelids to fall in concession.

-

Tomorrow arrived, but Seth was no where to be found. One phone call was made. No reply.

-

The day after found itself completed, and Summer had still not seen any sign of Seth. Two phone calls were made. No replies.

-

And now was the last day of school…

-

_Yeah, you know this be fiction… Marissa's actually being a good friend._

Points go to anyone who can figure out the meaning of the chapter's title.


	6. Perception of a mirror

Heya

-

Summer sat on her bed cross legged, nervously wringing her hands in her lap. Just in front of her lay her phone, just lazily resting smiling up at her either patronizing or obnoxiously, she hadn't decide yet.

That was Wednesday night, and the third last day of school had now been completed. And much to her dismay, she happened to not bump into Seth. So he was still avoiding her, even though they had some what come to the agreement that he wouldn't.

Well, she thinks they kind of had an agreement.

Summer forced her criticizing gaze back on the mobile phone. She had no bearing on whether it was in conjunction with the relationship break up etiquette that she could call Seth. What was she going to say if he picked up? It's common knowledge to all that Seth can push her buttons, and they could easily end up having a huge argument over the phone which would be so tacky and could so easily widen the rift between them to an emendable crack.

She fiddled with her fingers desperately trying to come to any sort of conclusion. After a moment she looked down in front of her.

She picked up the decidedly patronizing phone and dialed Seth.

She held her breath and waited. The agonizing empty screams of silence in between the abrupt burst of the ringing tone drifted on and on.

Nothing

She bit her bottom lip and as her heart tried reasoning with her mind.

_Maybe he just wasn't near his phone and didn't hear it. – Maybe… but weird how before a couple of weeks ago he _**always**_answered yours calls. _

_Maybe he was just surprised that I called, freaked out, and he didn't want to answer when caught off guard. – Maybe he did hear and just didn't want to talk to you._

_Maybe he will call back. – Maybe…but we know he won't. Have fun waiting_...

She waited while trying to occupy some time watching old movies, some school work, messaging Marissa, but he didn't call back.

And what was she expecting? She keeps trying to claw at something but she doesn't have any idea what she is doing.

Why did she call in the first place...?

What can she do? It's not like she can get angry at him. Not at all. And she can't blame him. She vacantly frowned at herself remembering their latest conversation, and how badly she was imposing on Seth. Making him squirm under her pressure, making him physically shake, all because of her need to get hold of something, to not lose control in its entirety.

She shook her head. _His hand was shaking_.

She flopped down on her back laying flat on her bed, willing herself not to cry. Again

-

The next day, the routine from yesterday was adopted. Except this time Summer was prepared. So when school finished, she walked out to her car with a perverse smile laden across her face. The smile wasn't due to a plan percolating in her pretty little head; it was because of her annoyance and frustration with the universe.

It kind of reminded her of when Seth and Anna told her that they got together during New Years, in other words, that he chose Anna.

She thinks it's the universe laughing in her face for being _so_ stupid. She had Seth. When she kissed him at his house, when she went to TJ with him, when he asked her out. But each time her eternal source of pretence brushed him off. And definitely not lightly.

And then he chose Anna, and she didn't have him anymore, she lost out.

Just like now. She had him, but because of her foolishness, she loses him. She got her chance, a do over, and she just wasted it, abused it, and nonchalantly shrugged while he disappears from grasps.

After school that day she hung out with Marissa. They went shopping, got a manicure, ate at that new Italian restaurant that Summer had been itching to try out, but never had a chance. Carbs at night, you know how it is. But right now she didn't care.

She felt like being ugly.

She wanted to stop feeling like a fraud, looking like a walking contradiction.

She wanted her outside to match her inside.

At night Summer and Marissa ended up in Summer's room painting each others freshly manicured nails talking idly about random stuff. The usual. Nail colours, pastel skirts, a bit of 'remember that', blueberry vs cherry flavoured lip gloss, Seth Cohen.

Summer had filled Marissa in about her rogue phone call. She explained the whole trail of thought, and the overwhelming spontaneous impulses that made her act out, causing her to do and say thinks that on second thought are just plain wrong.

Like telling him she missed him.

Like implying that he is the one causing the problems and tension that surround them now.

Like calling him last night.

So they just cast it aside, overstepping the problem venturing on to the side where the grass was looking that slight shade vibrant. Their usual act of pretension that they had learned from their social surroundings in Newport Beach.

And with that came the, "You know what I could do?" An sneaky anxious expression graced Summer's face.

Marissa looked at her curiously. "What's doing?"

Summer bit her bottom lip for a moment. "I could call him from my Dad's phone."

Marissa gently huffed at the idea, then grinned. "Summer, I'm not too sure about that."

Summer shrugged. "Well, it will tell me whether or not Seth is avoiding me and not answering my calls."

"Are you sure you want to find out." Marissa asked carefully. "I mean what are you going to do if he answers and is less then happy to be talking to you." She hesitated for a second thinking about something. "Sum, what are you even going to say if he picks up?"

Summer thought for a moment, staring through her freshly painted nails. "I don't know." She got up off her bed, clearly making her way to turn their theory into reality. "I'll figure it out." She proclaimed behind her to a firmly seated Marissa.

Summer went downstairs directly to her Dad's Study room, which of course was where he would be, always planted at this time of night.

"Dad I need to borrow your phone - Okay thanks." She went over hastily and took it from the table, then started to make her way out. Her voice was even and without any of her usual vibrancy.

"Wait, Summer." Dr Roberts asked kindly.

She simply raised her eyebrows in expectations.

"Is there any special reason why you need my phone? Is there something wrong with your phone, or the house phone?" He said in the same soft tone. If there is one thing that Dr Roberts could not handle, it is Summer Roberts being angry at him.

Now when he looks at it he doesn't think that firm criticizing stance to Seth was a wise on. He truly was trying to do the best for his daughter.

"Nope. There is nothing wrong with them."

"So why is it necessary for you to use mine?"

She waited a moment deciding whether to be patronisingly honest or subtly deceitful.

Definitely patronisingly honest.

It's cause she can.

She leant on her left foot, ready to work the body language. "I want to call Seth."

Dr Roberts raised his eyebrows. "Umm, Summer I don't think that is such a good idea."

"Wow really," abusing the patronising tone, "What a surprise…." Rolling her eyes. "What is surprising though, is how controlling you are being."

He sighed. "I am not trying to be controlling."

Summer nonchalantly shrugged. She really wasn't even paying attention to what he was saying.

"Is there any particular reason why you want to call him?"

Summer's bottom lip involuntarily pouted. "I just miss him." She said sensitively. "I just want to talk to him."

Dr Roberts look upon his daughter. He felt the parental ache in his stomach as her simple laid words crept into his mind. "So you don't see him at school?"

Summer breathed a sigh. She didn't really want to divulge this sort of information to her father, especially after what it had caused the last time, but he was her dad and they were really close. "I am not really seeing him at school."

He narrowed his eyes. "Why?" he asked, being careful not to sound like he was probing or overbearing.

"He is kind of avoiding me." The words felt sticky and uncomfortable when trying to liberate them from her mouth.

Dr Roberts took a seat suddenly very interested in his comments about Seth and the resulting break up between him and his daughter. "He is avoiding you? Well that seems kind of childish and immature."

Summer dipped her head biting the side of her bottom lip. She gestured with her hand, "Well, we kind of had a talk about still being friends the other day, but I am pretty sure that he doesn't want to be my friend right now." She sighed again for the thousandth time. "He said that he needs some time, and that stuff…."

She looked up to gauge her Father's response. Seeing as he actually looked kind of sad and not what she expected she faked smiled saying. "So basically he hates me."

After her words fell effortlessly to the ground she said, "So we gonna play another game of 20 questions, or can I go now?" She raised her eyebrows, maintaining a strong stare on her father.

Dr Roberts stumbled over his words. "Summer, I didn't mean to be intrusive, I was just worried."

Summer simply shrugged walking out of his study heading back upstairs.

Dr Roberts breathed out a contagious sigh. Okay, so maybe he shouldn't have formed such a strong opinion on Seth so early. But seriously, think about it. As if you wouldn't start to wonder the same if your daughter brought home a bumbling skinny boy in dire need of a haircut…

-

Summer came cruising through her bedroom door, phone in hand. She went over to her bed and plonked herself in the same position as before, opposite Marissa.

The mellow sounds of the television seemed to fade into the furniture as Summer looked anxiously up to Marissa before dialling Seth's number. The numbers sounded off effortlessly, then the tension seeped into to room, just growing and growing, thicker and thicker. Summer felt it become hard to breath, felt it harder to moved. The seconds lapped and the ring tone grew mature….

Summer reached for the end call button. Neither said anything.

-

Summer was at school sipping on coffee thinking about what she should do today. Everyone seemed to be consumed with their problems, with people getting knocked up, family's coming together getting married, other's falling apart getting shafted out of the loop like Jimmy. And all Summer wanted was to simply still be able to hang out with Seth. That is all.

So her plan was simple. She would just leave class early and wait near his locker at the end of school. And _NO_ she is not being desperate…

-

Seth and Ryan strode into school for the final time this year. Now when Seth was thinking about it, it kind of felt bitter sweet. He actually did have a really fun year of school. Even though that fact was mainly because of Summer, it still didn't change the fact that he did indeed have a fun year. And now with Ryan caught up in all this drama, and with Summer breaking up with him, the bitter was starting worm its way from after taste to straight up ill deposit.

'Oh well' he thought. Just today to go and then he is free to do whatever he wants. Free to do all the sailing possible and play all the games he wants.

-

Seth smiled gleefully as the all too welcome final bell of the year rang in all its glory. He all too happily got up placing his sketch book in his right arm before making his way out of the room into the hallway. He could see all his class mates bursting with happiness, ecstatic that school has come to a close, and that the holidays will burst to start later tonight.

He made his way through, gliding past forgettable class mates till his eye caught onto one known class mate. To the corner near some lockers stook Summer. Just simply standing there not talking to anyone, bag in hand. Her back was to him, so she hadn't caught sight of him yet. He thought about pretending he didn't see her but it was too good an opportunity. He quietly walked up behind her, moving over getting ready to place his hands where she was the most ticklish.

"Boo" Ehh who actually says boo?

He tickled her for the moment then moved back to gauge her reaction. She turned around and realised it was him straight away. She laughed whole heartedly, the one Seth loves to produce from her.

She swatted him. "Don't scare me like that." Summer inwardly smiled. Okay so maybe he wasn't purposefully avoiding her. But what has he been doing?

Seth was still momentarily caught on Summer's smile. He bit his bottom lip, he thinks she is perfect. He simply watched as her face lit up, her smile beamed from his actions, and he felt the consequential tug in his chest.

It felt so incredibly good to get a reaction like that from her. He let it wash over him knowing that he should savour these, and that they could become quite rare.

"Sorry but I just couldn't resist." He answered back smiling.

Summer sighed a breath of relief. Seth was acting a lot differently then she had thought he would. Maybe she was overreacting a bit.

"I bet you couldn't." She looked up at him looking down at her smiling. She missed his smile. "So what you doing?"

"I am talking to you…but I am about to get my stuff from my locker and be out of this place."

Summer rolled her eyes, such a Cohen response. "I meant after."

Seth shrugged in thought. "Umm, I'm not really sure. I think I might chill at home for a while then might see what Ryan wants to do tonight. I got cheer him up. He's really down, and you know…"

Summer raised an eyebrow. Most kids have a huge massive weekend planned with like nada minutes spare. But of course Cohen has flat out no idea what he is going to do.

She could see that the Ryan drama was having an affect on him. He seemed more 'whatevs'.

"Sounds fun." She immediately bit her bottom lip as the idea floated through. _He seems to be fine. They haven't seen each other in a while…he's not doing anything, she's not doing anything_…

She leant on her left foot, he hands nervously playing with each other. "Well umm, since you're not doing anything… and we haven't really seen much of each other lately we could …" she looked up to see his reaction. "or not…" She lowered her head embarrassed.

She had seen the immediate trepidation that creep into his wide eyes, heard the voice that spoke for his body clearly screaming '_fuck no_'.

There was an awkward silence that played between the two even though there were students around.

So maybe she hadn't overacted…

His body language and eyes told the story. He wasn't really okay with how things were between them. He was just doing it because he had too. Summer self consciously folded back in to herself.

Finally Seth spoke up. "Umm, I don't think that is a good idea."

Summer could feel a solid tugging in her chest. "Ya, I kind of got that Seth." She didn't mean for it to be immersed in hostility, but she was frustrated.

She looked up after a moment with an unyielding look. "What do you want me to do? I still want to be friends and hang out and do stuff together. I love spending time with you. It's so much fun and we can talk about anything non stop."

Seth sighed, rolling his head to the side. Summer didn't particularly like it; she thinks it came off arrogant. "I don't know Summer." He raised a hand, pushing it through his curls.

She wanted to get angry at him but couldn't. He just looked so melancholy. "You are still avoiding me, you don't answer or return any of my calls, and you freak out if I want to hang out with you." She stated emotionally. She looked up at him as he pursed her lips. "You are closing yourself off to me." She finished softly.

Seth let go a shaky breath. "I'm not avoiding you." He said, somewhat familiarly.

She takes a moment looking at him, reading his body language.

_It makes Summer think of a puppy getting kicked once again by his owner._

"Really? Then what have you been doing that would be just cause for you missing your classes?" She prompted smoothly.

Seth scratched his head for a moment non to softly. He looked around observing that there was no one left in the hallways except them. "I have, uh, been helping out with a couple of the clubs for the end of year displays." It was true.

Summer folded into herself once again. "And what about answering your phone?"

Seth stiffened for only a millisecond, Summer didn't catch on.

"I lost it."

Worst. Lie. Ever.

Summer levelled a glare at him. She knew it was a blatant lie too. "Really?" it wasn't really a question, it was more of a statement, like an offer for Seth to take it back.

But he of course refused.

Within seconds Summer had her phone out dialling Seth's number. And as surely as Seth was about to make some stupid ass comment, his phone started ringing in his pocket.

He swallowed apprehensively as he took the phone out of his pocket. "Ohh would you look at that, I left it in my jeans pocket, and I haven't worn these in like a week."

Summer's bottom lip pouted on its own accord. She expected Seth to be more sarcastic, but he was simply sad.

_It makes Summer think of saying good bye to relatives after the holidays._

The phone was still ringing so Summer grabbed it off him. "Would you turn that off." She looked for the key to end call and pressed the button with her thumb. She raised her head to look at Seth, before she looked back down at the phone.

"Wait up." Did she just see what she thinks she saw?

Seth narrowed his eyes. "What are you talking about?"

Summer pressed a few buttons on his phone going through his call log. Unknown? She stopped, and dropped her hand to her side. She looked up at him with a clearly hurt look in her eyes. She pressed a few more buttons on the phone taking her to his contact list. She scrolled down looking for Summer. There was none. After a few moments she dropped her hand again, but this time when she looked up, she had a few tears in her eyes.

His forefinger started playing with the nail on his thumb. He knew what she was so upset about. He dropped his head and sighed. He didn't know what else to do.

Summer let her tongue swirl around her mouth. She played with her fingers as she stared at Seth. After a moment she nodded to herself. "So, it seems like you've pulled the plug on me. That's real honourable of you Cohen."

He's mouth dropped open at Summer Comment. Not the first part, the second. "Honourable? You are getting angry at me about this? And you bring up me being honourable. Wow. Summer, just wow."

She leant back on her foot. "Whatever Cohen."

He shook his head knowing how she is. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

She raised her eyebrows. "Excuse me?" He was seriously pushing it.

Seth just shook his head. He didn't want to fight. He was too tired and drained. He just wanted to leave.

_It makes Summer think of a child getting sent back to polishing some Tupperware after asking if it was shiny enough for the 13__th__ time._

There was this weird moment where they both looked into each other, both sighing realising the difficult situation they had arrived at.

Summer was first to break the reverie. "So this is us huh."

Seth nodded bleakly. He shrugged saying "So, umm can I have my phone back?"

Summer bottom lip automatically pouted at his words. After all they have been through this year, this is what they have been reduced too. Summer wanted to bawl like a little school girl.

She found herself hitting him in the chest. It wasn't a hard hit. It was kind of a burst of emotion that got channelled into a wanting emphatic hit, but falling way short it the force department.

Seth pursed his lips while raising his eyebrows, Summer knew it was him saying good bye.

She gestured with her hands. "So now its holidays, when am I going to see you next?"

Seth plainly once again shrugged. Summer could see that he was just over feeling like this. Like feeling so beaten down, depressed and miserable. And the hight of that feeling was whenever he was around her. So she really wasn't planning on seeing him much now. Hence her question on when she will see him again.

"I Don't know Sum. Let's just say I'll see you soon."

There were no hugs, no waves, he just simply turned around and walked off towards his locker.

Summer once again sighed. This sucks.

She started to make her way to her locker.

Her thoughts feel rogue and for some reason they keep replaying in her mind.

_It makes her think of a puppy getting kicked once again by his owner._

_It makes her think of saying good bye to relatives after the holidays._

_It makes her think of a child getting sent back to polishing some Tupperware after asking if it was shiny enough for the 13th time._

_Seth just seemed so over it. It's like he is simply done. He had been hurt enough and just wanted the fastest, easiest exit._

And it all just clicked into place.

After this whole time, there has always been one constant no matter what has being going on between them. But now he has just had enough.

Summer released a laboured breath. The thought leaving such a dreadful shudder down her spine.

And she says the thought out loud. "He doesn't _want_ me anymore."

-

Please review :)


	7. From the trough, first step

Want.

It's such a …. _gah_…. word, term. It has this aura of murky stigma. It's like it contaminates any sentence through to thought each time it is mentioned.

When ever you say you want something, it never comes off being in turbulence. But because doing well and succeeding in school, university and in your career is in theory fundamentally selfish, the resounding back spray hits basically anything with the word '_want_'. Hence the contamination, stigma and all that jazz.

But what Summer is more concerned with is the correlation with all that, when your desire is for someone to want you.

Summer wants to try and back pedal, redue the done. Or something. She can't make it out for sure. It's all a bit murky …

It's weird though. Summer never in a million years thought that when they broke up, she would be the one in this position. The one where she wanted to get back to at least something. The one where she was being avoided. The one where she would feel so uncomfortable with herself, she wouldn't look into a mirror unless it was necessary.

But she never even thought about Seth's perpetual want for her. It was just something she never considered. It was just always there, ever since she can remember. From when he was trying to say hello and happy birthday to her, to when he was dating Anna, she could still see the spark in his eye every time she smiled at him. Or even made eye contact.

But now the evanescence of the sparkle had vanished completely from sight. And the declaration of this had deeply soured Summer's spirit. It spoke of him being over _it_. Not over her, but their relationship as a whole. The whole year of events – Grandpa's b'day to T.J to school to Anna to valentines day to birthing their relationship to Summer ruining everything. He was just over it.

He wasn't close to getting over _her_ – not anywhere near – but he was just simply done with being angry and hurt. He had come to the point of realisation, where he has said to himself, "okay, it's how it happened, its done. I need to start moving on."

And that's what freaked Summer out the most. He was progressing…well in theory he was. _He wanted to_.

Cause now that he didn't want her anymore, then soon he will be over her, and that leads to some other girl who isn't stupid enough to trail him through puddles of humiliation to get him.

She can't believe she made him jump through all those hoops before. _She just can't __**believe**_it. Why was she so special to treat him like that? Why did he even want her when she was such a bitch to him? God she is so happy that he did though.

It was easy to understand why Summer was starting to freak out. It was because after one week of holidays, she hadn't seen Seth once; and she knew that this week represented the rest of them.

She hadn't cried though. Well except for once, but it wasn't really crying. She had randomly woken up one night in tears. It was about 4 am after she went to a party at some easily forgettable person's house. She actually can't even remember the girls face or name from whom she received the invite from.

The party was bland. She tried to talk to people, guys and girls, tried to spark up fun and exciting conversations, but they just weren't doing anything for her. She got over it after a couple of hours, driving home herself. She had a shower changed and fell almost immediately asleep only to wake up in tears.

She tried telling herself it was a dream she had.

She had simply sat there every now and then wiping the stray tears that were perpetually building up in her eyes.

It wasn't that she was still shedding tears in her loss of a boyfriend. It had progressed further, evolving, maturing into her mourning the loss of a deep and sincere friend. Not only had she messed up and lost a boyfriend, she lost a best friend too.

She just missed her Seth.

-

Ryan put down his phone sighing. "Seth." He called from the kitchen, not knowing where abouts in the house Seth actually was.

Seth mumbled a, "Yeah?" in reply, which seemed to be originating from the stairs. He came through into the kitchen. "What's up?"

"Umm so Marissa just called," he looked up to Seth dubiously. "She is going to be at the diner for lunch, and said that I should come meet up with her."

Seth raised his eyebrows as if asking why he was acting so weirdly. "And….?"

He scratched his head just behind his eye apprehensively. "Well, umm, are you going to come?"

Seth raised an eyebrow. "Well, yeah. I'll grab some lunch with you guys then go down to the pier and take the boat out for a bit while you guys chat."

Ryan pursed his lips together in an uneasy manner. "Umm, I think Summer is coming too." He stated in an unsure breath.

Seth moved over taking out some Juice from the fridge, moving over to the cupboard to withdraw a glass. "Do you _know_ that Summer is coming or do you _think_ that Summer is coming." He took a sip. "Did Marissa mention that she is, or, isn't?"

"She is coming." Ryan claimed, tilting his head to the side.

Seth thoughtfully took another sip of his juice before breathing out in defeat. "Checkmate?" He offered as reason, explanation.

Ryan nodded in knowing and understanding. "Checkmate."

-

"A black and white milkshake please. Marissa you want anything?" Summer asked from the opposite side of the booth.

"No, I'm okay." She answered kindly.

The waitress smiled whist finishing writing the order down on the pad. "Okay, we will bring that out as soon as possible." She once again smiled before disappearing in to the kitchen.

Summer clicked her tongue a few times agitatedly. She nervously fixed her eyes on Marissa. It was no secret that Summer was feeling quite apprehensive, anyone who was to walk pass would unavoidably notice so. One week into the holidays and she had had enough. She had previously been clinging to the idea that if she gave Seth some time, they may be able to sort out their problems and still have that friendship that was quite dear to her. But it was becoming abundantly clear to her that she had seriously mistaken the premise of their problems, and now she was finally starting to realise it.

_It_ being; she had hurt Seth _alot_ more than she had thought.

And that thought always left her mouth dry in self detestation. She had pretty much thrown him away without any regard to his feelings, and was now only picking up on the degree to which the resulting pain and hurt had caused. Not to any ones surprise, she had been thinking about how _she_ was going through the break up. How she kept asking Seth every time they bumped into each other if they can simply just go back to being friends and hang out like everything was all good and well.

Cause who cares if Seth isn't ready, she is, so he should be…

And that's how this scene arose. She was playing 'what if' again. She and Marissa had made plans to go to the diner for lunch. Summer asked 'what if' you invited Ryan, have a chat to see how he is going with all that Teresa drama. The game progressed in her mind; Ryan comes for lunch at the diner equals Seth comes for lunch at the diner. She knew that Ryan would inform him that she would also be attending the lunch. If he didn't attend, she would have a clear indication that he is still avoiding her, staying in his Summer free territory, and she felt like she could pretty much say she deserved to lose him anyways.

Summer looked over to the clock checking the time. 1:43pm. They were suppose to be here 13 minutes ago. She negligently picked at her cracking nail polish thinking that he isn't coming, she sort of never really expected him to.

Marissa looked over at her, feeling sorry for her she says, "I'm sorry sweetie."

Summer tried to smile in return but her misery completely overwhelmed it.

Still getting weirded out by how hard Summer was taking this, she moved a hand placing it over Summer's. "You can see him tomorrow at the wedding." She stated as some sort consolation. She looked into Summer eyes, trying to see where she was at. She smiled as she saw the origins of thoughts, and waited upon the release of them, a typical Summer comment.

Summer bit her lip but without her usually exuberance. Marissa could see she didn't know whether or not to say them but in the end the words came out.

"He is probably just pissed cause he isn't getting sex no more."

Marissa pursed her lips giving Summer that look that all best friends have, the one that proclaims 'we both know what's going on, what you are trying to do.'

Summer lowered her head, conceding. "I know…" she said slowly.

It was the usual Summer reacting mechanism. She is hurt so her anger flares up to consumer the pain, melt it away, give her an escape.

"He is only acting this way because of how strong his feelings were for you." Marissa supplied as an answer.

Summer let the words digest.

_Were_… _Past tense_.

And there, it surfaces again. _He doesn't want you anymore_.

At the exact moment of that reoccurring thought, Seth and Ryan strolled through the door, immediately spotting them, making their way over. Seth caught Summer's eye for a moment before he averted his line of sight. Marissa shuffled along the booth to make space for Ryan as did Summer for Seth. But Seth just waited for Ryan to get seated then followed in behind him. It was very awkward. Ryan was trying to make more space but was restricted because of Marissa, so Marissa ended up having to shuffle over even more. It looked retarded. And Summer just sat there slightly nodding her head in acceptance.

Seth really didn't want to be here. He had no choice though. If he didn't come, his bigotry towards her would leave no questions, and as much as things were messed up right now, he didn't want to blatantly hurt her or throw total disregard to her feelings.

Small talk was dawned, but kept on a tight leech. There were so many areas that would hit a nerve; it felt foreign for the four of them to be so constrained, to be so cautious. It felt like they were making their own individual ways across a mine field, being able to spot a mine from a distance, having to find a safe way to manoeuvre around it without creating too much fuss.

They ordered their meals keeping the chat tentative. By the time the meals had arrived the talk had loosened up slightly, but only very little. Seth and Summer had sort of conversed, but it was general chat, not their own variety of talking they usually shared. It was 'diversity' free.

But still, at least it was better then him not talking to her at all. It felt good being able to get back to this. The four hanging out together, having that group of friends that you really care and trust. Even if it was kind of restrained.

But as this satisfying feeling hit right at home Seth spoke up. "Okay well…" he took a napkin wiping his mouth then fingers with it. "I better get going, I gotta talk to a guy at the pier."

Summer sighed looking at Seth, her mouth slightly open unbeknownst to her. She thought that they would have dessert, and maybe Seth would even acknowledge her properly, even talk to her and ask her how her holidays have been. At least act like he cared, even a little.

"Uhh, I think I am going to go now too. I'll come with." Summer found herself saying.

Ryan and Marissa looked at each other nervously; fret bearing for all to see.

Seth bit his lip, scratching his head slightly in a nervous manner. "Uhh, well I was think-"

"I'm coming with you." Summer steely cut him off, adding a piercing stare to go with it.

"Okay then." He instantly conceded.

Summer slid out of her booth standing up next to Seth. Seth instantly reminisced with her scent. God, she always smelled so absolutely mouth watering. He was pretty sure he could classify the effect of it as intoxicating cause he definitely remembered getting drunk of it.

They waved their reclusive goodbyes to their respective others. They made their way outside into the warm illustrious Californian sun, stopping after 15 metre from the dinner near a bench. Summer looked up at him with a soft gaze of which he didn't return. He looked defeated. His eyes were tired, shoulders slumped, and had a tiny sad unassuming smile.

Summer swallowed slowly. "I only said that so Ryan and Marissa could talk privately." When he didn't replay she continued. "I didn't want to impose on them… because they really have to talk about stuff, sort through things." She was nervously wringing her hands.

Seth nodded in resignation. "So I am going to go to the pier..." He looked up at her finally.

She wanted so badly to say, 'okay cool, I'll walk with you,' or at least something to that affect. But she couldn't. The scenes from her and Seth's previous encounters played over through her minds eye, each ending the same way.

She has finally learned.

She felt a solid tugging in her chest, and her head felt like it was on fire. She smiled earnestly, solemnly up at Seth. "Okay. Well, I will see you tomorrow at the wedding then." She tried not to sound too uneven or sad, but wasn't sure how well she pulled it off. It was becoming increasingly more difficult and frustrating to close shop on her delinquent heart. Feelings were bleeding out from it like cracks in a dam.

And for some reason a memory of what Seth said to her a while ago surfaced in her mind. _"So I still have really strong feelings, but can't act on them or do anything. I just have to wait till they subside, or go away…."_

And all Summer could think of was, "Why aren't my feelings subsiding or going away? They are at the same level and are showing no signs of caving. Why is this so hard?"

Seth looked into her eyes.

And that's all it required.

"Do you want to come for a walk with me…- to like…" Seth drifted off nervously.

Summer blinked in surprise. She really didn't think that those would be the words that came out of his mouth. "Yeah, sure Cohen. I'd like that." She looked at him with an understated goofy smile. But it didn't matter cause he was wearing that same style smile too. Both trying to hide it.

They both ventured on making their way down to wear Seth's boat was kept. Summer was practically tingling with the unknown. She walked with Seth down the pathway looking up with her eyes closed letting the sun bath her in warmth. Her eyes welcomed the blackness, because now she could feel the light, taste the warmth.

That dark tunnel now had an end.

"So how have your holidays been Summer." She looked up at him, into his eyes. And she reads it all.

He does still care.

He does still want me.

-

Yes, i just won $20 :)


	8. Fight or Flight part 1

Heya. Hahaha lifes so tainted aint it?

Been a while huh?

Dunno when part 2 will be up but this is my present to you guys. Happy Christmas and New Years. Celebrate in style and get rowdy.

-

"And Summer." He waits for her attention, and she turns back at his words, her eyes delicately pinned on him, half her bottom lip caught  
beneath her front teeth. "The boat was named after you."

She doesn't have to choose how to react because her heart has taken over and employs the immediate response. It is just the way it happens when he is around.

She smiles at him waiting for the feeling to melt away, but hoping for it to last. To last…

When you hardly ever feel something like this, this exhilarating warmth that just can't be described in detail, you want to grab it, and bottle it up. Keep it forever. Store it away for when you are thinking about how you screwed up so many more sessions of feeling like this, for this to be a weekly euphoric sensation, instead of now, when you think that you may never ever feel this way again.

Her glance still washes over him. She can now feel _that_ _warmth_ subsiding, and she closes her eyes trying to saviour every last drop. She takes a breath.

Fuck she is going to miss that feeling.

But she doesn't want to.

She wants it back.

She opens her eyes. She wants to know what to do; anything to get it back. The immediate response employed by her heart has been swept away, and now she has to come up with something by herself.

She can feel the sun setting in the background and it speaks to her in so many ways. _Things coming to an end, leading to another being birthed_. Etc.

But it looks so beautiful and serene, and on a day such as a wedding. _Yeah, she's not ready to let it go_.

She looks at her boy, and her boy looks at his girl. And the time arrives. Time for things to end, and for others to dawn.

-

"Son. O, mopey son of mine. Where out thou?" Sandy Cohen bellowed from the entrance of the Cohen manor. He walked in through the kitchen with his wife following a few seconds after. He smiled brightly when he spotted his son sitting on the ground playing play station.

"Well hello." Sandy prompted.

"Mmmh." Was all the response they got from Seth. He carried on immersing himself back in his game.

Sandy glanced over to his wife who raised an eyebrow in response.

"We come bearing gifts." Kirsten offered.

Both Kirsten and sandy had become quite concerned with Seth's recent reclusive behaviour. He had been closing himself off to everyone keeping very much to himself. First they thought it was just because of the break up with Summer. They understood how much their boy felt for the girl so upon discussing between themselves they came to the conclusion that he was taking it badly. But now he had started to close himself off to Ryan too. And that is what freaked them out the most. Cause really, you never expect your teenage child to talk candidly to you about, well, anything.

Which is why they come bearing gifts. Cause hopefully child will be happy then. It was worth a try.

Seth huffed up slightly, but paused his game. He feigned annoyance to display his mood. He would have blown them off by walking away, but there were presents to be given, so he rain checked on that sentiment.

"Ahhh, thought so." Sandy stated in his usual tone.

Seth just simply shrugged. "Presents me up."

Kirsten smiled shaking her head. "Well, I got you the…" she said while walking over to the couch taking a seat. Seth moved over to her side getting more intrigued by the second. "First season of Weeds on DVD."

Seth instantly smiled "Really?" He asked not actually believing his mother would get such a cool present.

Kirsten took it out and showed him as proof. "You like it?" She looked at Sandy. "Ahh see, child can smile."

Seth gratefully took it from her giving her a hug too. "Thank you very much."

Sandy moved over taking a seat on the couch beside Seth. "I got you a t-shirt." He reached into a bag taking out a white t-shirt handing it over to Seth.

Seth unfolded it, opening it out. He gaze over it before blankly looking back at the humour challenged man who was his father.

Sandy just simply smiled annoyingly back at Seth.

Seth tilted his head before reading out what was written on the t-shirt in big black letters. "_Cheer up emo kid_."

Seth's only vocabulatory response was, "Awesome dad." His face still blank.

Sandy shrugged, still smiling, went into the kitchen. "Well son, it was either that or '_I want emo grass so it cuts itself_.'"

That produced a chuckle out of Seth. Sandy stopped what he was doing. "Dammit, so you laugh at that one. 50 percent chance to get the right one, I choose the most apt one, and I still can't win."

Seth and Kirsten got up also moving into the kitchen. "And you never will. Doesn't mean you should stop trying. In fact, I hear that practise makes perfect."

Both sandy and Kirsten eyed him carefully whilst saying in unison. "Mmmhmm." In that parental way that proclaims 'yeah sure, nice try.'

"Why were you guys doing shopping so early. And on a day like today." Seth asked after gathering his bearings on situation.

Sandy took a sip, acting coy, as if he had been waiting for Seth to ask him that question the whole time.

He leant back on the counter poising himself.

"Mum would you care to answer the question?" Seth cut in quickly before Sandy was done doing whatever he was trying to do.

"Your father and I went shopping early because we both didn't want to face the…thing…happening later this afternoon." She gave Seth a somnolent look before taking a sip of her coffee.

"Oh man. I had this whole thing thought out." Sandy sighed. "I even included a birds and bee's reference." He mumbled on, "It was so good, and it would have made him laugh too…"

"Sure it would have sweetie." Kirsten consoled appeasingly but with no really energy. Sandy thought that there could have even been some sarcasm.

Seth just shook his head in a stranged out manner saying, "You guys weird me out." before retreating back to the safety of his room. He had to prepare for this afternoon.

-

People gathered in groups as they arrived at the front of the church. They scattered, matching up in their familiars. The business associates – the newpsies – the relatives – the familiar friends – and then there was Seth standing by himself at the side, alone in his thoughts. Summer had just arrived and was gazing around in search of either Marissa or Seth. Her sight caught whiff of him and in moments from then, landed on the prize. She smiled and bit her bottom at the sight of him.

She didn't even think, she just found herself walking towards him. He didn't appear to notice her so she crept up slowly behind him. With two steps left she reached out her arms to his ribs, tickling him with an excited chuckle. Seth turned around immediately with a forlorn smile on his face laughing slightly. She noticed the sad smile, but then it changed into an excited smile, and she felt a tingle down her spine. _Ahh that smile_.

She waited to see how Seth would initiate the greeting. A hug? Kiss on the cheek? A Hi-five?

She breathed a sigh of relief and thrill when he began to bend down towards her. She reached up towards him ready to hug him back, and was surprised when he gave her a kiss on the cheek then engulfed her in a warm hug too. Score.

They parted after their moment. He eyed her for a second before leaning back smiling. "Nice dress. It looks even better now." He was referring to the dress she was wearing, the dress that they picked out when they decided to go shopping for this event just after 'The Proposal.'

Summer slightly raised an eyebrow. It didn't mean to come of sly, but it's just how it does to Seth. It's the way her head tilts just slightly, the curl of the left side of her mouth, those glorious big eyes looking at him, suggesting, luring him in, making him think.

"Thank you Seth." She replied intricately. "I try." She claimed effortlessly with a shrug feigning that she didn't really try at all.

"You don't look to bad yourself." She stated giving him a once over. She noticed the very light beige - ivory belt he had on. The one she had bought for him so he could wear it when he was wearing his chuck's. She had tried once to get him to throw them away but he was being stubborn and didn't even budge, so she decided to get him something that would match it to the rest of his attire. "Nice belt." She mumbled softly.

Seth didn't hear her compliment on the belt. "Thank you." Was all he replied.

The dress, the belt, the beginning of the whole wedding debacle with the proposal when they were doing up Marissa room, that was all in the space of a week. Such a magnificent, warm and elating week. The best week of her life.

Summer could still feel the awkwardness and tension between them, but now it was beneath the bridge. They could both still see and feel it underneath, but made sure that it didn't effect the reconstruction on top.

As of yesterday the gears changed. It's like when Seth asked if she "wanted to come" she heard the click. _So, would that be attributed to Summer's realisation..?_ They went down to the pier for a peaceful walk to Seth's boat. And it had been easy, and relaxing and fun and awesome. They just chatted normally, didn't dredge up old stuff, didn't have any awkward misplaced words or moments. And after Seth had done what he needed with his boat they walked back to the diner meeting back up with Ryan and Marissa.

A simple nice and easy flowing walk was perfect.

Things went back to how they were, it was like the break up never even happened.

But it had. And it was written between the words in every action, in every conversation.

Kirsten looked on at the two of them. They looked so cute. She smiled. The sight of them together made her heart swell with pride and adoration. She just couldn't help it, gushing like a typical mother. But there is something about watching them, watching how they interact with each other, and the presence that surrounds them when they are together, in their own world oblivious to everything around them. It's like all that stuff you read in books, the things that fable's are made from.

It's like watching love in it's purest untainted form.

Someone touched Kirsten's shoulder causing her to break out of her riviere. "We gotta get this rolling." Said the wedding manager.

-

The ceremony went by pretty smoothly, much to Seth's surprise. He had an under the cover's bet with his dad about something happening. It was 2 to 1 for fisty cuffs to be thrown, and a 4 to 1 for Ryan to be involved. It was 5 to 1 for someone to speak up at _that_ moment in the ceremony. They both lost money on all accounts.

Seth was now sitting at his designated table of which was arranged a month ago. And as we all know, a lot happens in a Newport month. So his sitting right next to his ex girlfriend was very much the universes fault, to which he blamed completely on Newport and its fucking cosmos. His mum came up to him after 'the proposal' when she started to help Julie out on the wedding plans, and asked him where he would prefer to sit in the arrangement of tables. Unsuspectingly he told her to simplify it by putting him and Ryan on a normal table with Summer and Marissa. He would have much rather that then being thoroughly embarrassed on the bride and grooms table.

Ohh, how that backfired. Royally.

So here he was stuck sitting next to his ex girlfriend waiting for the food to be served. But at least things were civil between them.

"You know, I really thought that this wedding wasn't going to go through." Marissa proclaimed.

"Your not the only one." Summer added giving a pointed 'coulda fooled me look.'

Ryan sat up nodding his head. "I would have lost money on that one."

Seth shrugged casually. "I did." He mumbled softly.

"Huh." – "What" They group exclaimed in response.

Seth looked up, slightly uneasy cause he was kind of spaced out and not really listening to the conversation of the others, and said the last statement aloud without thinking.

Marissa raised an eyebrow looking directly at him. "Tell me you didn't make a bet on my mother." She asked sternly, but had a hidden smile at the same time.

"Uhh…no…I didn't" Seth replied. "I made a bet on my grandfather."

Marissa narrowed her eyes, but had a slight smile. "Well I can't believe you made a bet on this wedding.

"I do what I do." Seth shrugged, "Plus, it was dad's idea anyways."

Marissa nodded her head to the side in consideration. "Trust Sandy to come up with something like this. And for you to go along with it."

"We do what we do." Seth displayed as a rationale.

"Sandy always galvanises the social events to make them fun and bearable." Ryan said smiling, offering the girls a decent rationale.

"And Kirsten just lets you guys make a mockery of everyone behind their backs?" Marissa asked, thinking that Kirsten would never let them do this.

"Yeah, I was thinking what Kirsten would have to say about this." Summer questioned with intrigue.

"She doesn't know about it." Seth filled them in.

"I bet." Summer said eyeing Seth.

"So what have you guys been saying for the school charity functions that we host." Marissa inquired pointing from Summer to her.

"uhh…"

Summer raised an eyebrow. "You guys have been making fun of us while we have been trying to do something good from the community!" she finished with her attitude worked.

Seth pursed his lips hoping for Ryan to come up with something. The moment lingered and the girls look grew inpatient. Seth looked at him trying to communicate with his eyes. Ryan shrugged and Seth could tell he was saying, 'Dude i'm leaving Newport, they can't hurt me.'

Seth stumbled across what he could say before trying…. "It's not you we are making fun of… it's the social scene and atmosphere." …and failing.

Marissa narrowed her eyes. "And who do you think is at the pinnacle of these events? Maybe social chair and host? AKA me and Summer."

Seth pursed his lips squishing them together at the corner in a cute adorable manner. Well Summer definitely thought so. And so did Marissa, gauging by her reaction."

Summer turned up her chin with a suttle lift of her left eyebrow. "Maybe we should inform Kirsten about what her boys have been up to." She said with a nonchalant hand gesture.

"Shit." Was all Seth's response.

He knew they were playing, but it was just a matter of who could win.

Summer kept playing on. "O Kirsten. Kirsten sweetie, we got a little something for you."

Marissa continued on. "We should tell her about that time when their car got totalled. Seth said he went to go to the I-max theatre but instead went to a party."

Seth pouted. "Well that's not very nice."

"What!? When was this?" Summer asked

Seth openly answered. "It was ages ago. Like back when you didn't talk to me."

"Oh…okay." Summer replied timidly. The way Seth said it was what caught her off guard. He responded so quick and so frankly, like there was no emotion of sorrow. Like it was fact in history. She wished she could get over stuff like that, the way she treated Seth before, but each time it is brought up it always hits a well camouflaged nerve.

"We could also tell her about what happened to the vase and-"

Seth covered his ears not wanting to play no more. "La la la. Your not being a very nice aunt. La la la"

"oh don't even…"Marissa got up and walked to Seth waiting for him to stop la la-ing and uncover his ears. Once he had, she reached forward saying in his ear, "And rug."

Seth looked at her in an unpleased fashion. "That was awesome Marissa, _really,_ so great." Loser…

Marissa ignored his sarcasm moving back to sit down in her place again. "Wow. Your ears are so soft."

"Ohh, I know!" Summer excitedly screeched in. "It's crazy huh."

Seth just blinked in response to their commotion. Sometimes he could swear girls were actually fucking crazy. They just don't add up.

"There like, really squishy." Summer added clasping her hands together.

Marissa laughed. "They are, huh."

Seth and Ryan shared a glance. A concerned glance.

Summer looked at Seth, seeing him give a look to Ryan. "What?" she shrugged. "You should feel them."

Ryan cringed in a dismayed manner. "Ill take a rain check."

Marissa laughed facing her body to Ryan. "Be more freaked out… you baby."

Summer reached out an arm to touch Seth's ear, but he blocked it, catching hold of her hand in his.

"Ohh c'mon. Let me touch." Summer said smoothly, and it sounded _soooo_ good to Seth's ears. He swallowed.

"Geez Summer, what's with the sudden fetish with ears?"

She narrowed her eyes at him for trying to be smart. "It's not a fetish Seth. I just think you have really soft ears. They're like, enticing."

Seth looked at Ryan, but he was too busy emersed in a conversation with Marissa. So he simply raised an eyebrow mouthing 'righhhhhtttt,' their hands still laced together resting in his lap.

Summer raised an eyebrow in return. "I'm serious. Your ears are actually floppy. They like, ripple in the wind."

Seth laughed. A genuine laugh. And it made Summer laugh too.

"They ripple in the wind, huh?" Seth asked smiling.

"Yes." She nodded smiling too. Then she reached up with her other hand to try and touch his ear again. But once again Seth caught it, their hands lacing together in their own agreement.

"But I want to see it ripple!" she pouted. She sort of push against his hands, and to stop from being in trouble of being pushed out of his seat he softly pushed back to find an equilibrium to steady himself.

Summer squeezed his hands tightly, or perhaps it should be called warmly. Maybe it was because she knew Seth would return the act, and maybe she wanted to feel Seth encase her hands in his warmth once again.

Maybe…

"Can I blow on your ear to see it ripple?" She asked purely.

"No." He said amused at her. "Can we snuff the ear thing now?"

"No." Summer huffed, their joined hands bobbing in mid air in between them. "…let's debate it." She said smoothly. Seth could tell it was almost like a proposal, a dare.

He released a breath, watching her, trying to figure her out.

Summer smiled, only slightly. Just a curl on the right side of her lips. Her eyes trailed across his face down to his lips. Ohh his lips. They looked so alluring, tempting. She bit on her bottom lip, but only slightly. She wanted to lean in, get millimetres away, to feel his breath fan out across her face, to feel the excitement and electricity buzz along her lips in anticipation, and then to finally move that last millimetre and capture –

"Well you never let me _blow_ in your ear."

There was a pause, a moment as she gathered herself, then she scrunched up her nose. She knew what he meant. "Ugghh Seth! Your gross." She swatted his hands away from hers moving back to face away from him and to Marissa and Ryan who were still totally consumed in there own conversation. "And then there's that." She huffed.

Summer breathed out an unsteady breath. _God, Seth is so clueless sometimes!_

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Seth quickly tried to apologise. But Summer defiantly lifted her head further away from his direction.

"Summer." He says slowly with an amused smile. "I was just kidding. It was a joke."

"Har har." Her face completely blank.

He laughed in his mind at her actions. He reached forward gently placing his hand on hers. Caught by surprise, Summer's gaze returned to him.

In a cute sincere manner he said with a small smile. "I didn't mean to be so crude. I'm sorry."

Since Summer was sitting up straight in her chair and Seth was leaning forward to her she was looking down at him, looking him straight in his warm eyes. Things started to tingle inside of her, and it was making her dizzy. The good dizzy. The floating on air dizzy.

She immediately moved her gaze away from him to in front of her. She drained her glass of cold water. _I have got to get myself in check. _

Coincidently, Seth read her actions as though she was still pissed at him, instead of the very _very _opposite. He still had his hand on her's so he placed hers in his; lifting it up towards him he placed a soft kiss on her hand.

Even though she knew he didn't mean it to, it came of _so very_ and completely endearing. Her heart started to thud. Loudly.

A waitress suddenly appeared from no where handing out an entrée dish of what looked like a seafood Carbonara. Their hands immediately dispersed from one another, and people's attention was brought out from their respective worlds back to the table.

Summer rolled her eyes in jest. "Fine, you're forgiven." She let the slightest of smiles free before saying, "Ass." For good measure.

Summer took a deep breathe. She looked around the table, just so she could divide her attention from Seth for the moment. She pursed her lips together at the thought of Seth. She wondered if he was clueing in to what was going on with her. Because if her actions and body language are anything to draw a picture from, it definitely would not be one of the Picaso abstract variety.

As far as she was concerned the picture would be clear as day.

So she looks at Seth to gauge any sign if he has picked up on anything. Her eyes watch over him as he scoops up some pasta twirling it around his fork. He places the fork in his mouth, she still watches him…

No. No sign there at all.

She sighed.

Seth was acting absolutely normal, in his own world, concentrating on not spilling anything on his suit. She knew what was on his mind.

But it didn't make sense. Because she knows that Seth is very alert to her. He knows so much about her, and he was always able to tell if something was on her mind. Always. Even when it was just random things like having an off day. Even for things that didn't have a reason, he still knew; but all of a sudden he is unable to clue in now?

She looked at him once again.

He just seems so unfazed. I guess sometimes when she was being sincerely nice and sweet with him he got a bit unsure of what was going on. She could see sometimes that he felt nervous with how to react and what to say back.

She thought longer on that point. Mulling over her past encounters of situations where she had been sweet and flowing with him. Those encounters were broken up into 2 segments. Either before they went out, aka before Valentines Day, and after V day.

And there it was. It hit her hard in the pit of her stomach too. She sighed once again.

She had been fucking around on him like that, playing on his well known feelings for her for the past year. So _of course_ he is not going to think much more of what she is playing at.

She screamed in her head.

It's because she knows now. She wants him back. But her past actions haunt her. All those times where she would string Seth along so she could feel good about herself are coming back and wreaking their fair share of pain.

Karma's a bitch.

Summer simply picked up her fork, and frustratedly started to pick at her food.

Seth carefully placed the fork in his mouth, being very careful not to spill anything that he knew was inevitably going to fall. He chewed slowly, eventually swallowing. He looked over at Summer.

He smiled.

She still takes his breath away.

He kept on staring at her, syncing his memory with the real life picture. His eyes washed over her cute little nose, the one that he loved placing a soft kiss on. His eyes sway from feature to feature. It reminds him of reading his favourite comics. He wouldn't touch them for months; he would wait and wait till the balloon of details deflated, slowly floating to the ground. And when the details and intricate particulars started losing their shades of colour, started dripping from his mind into the pool of forgotten memories he would go back and revisit it. Renew his soul with its taste, revitalise the shadow of his love for it, get back the succulent tastes and vibrant colours.

His gaze still lay on Summer, his lips still curled up. She was picking at her food, and seemed frustrated for some reason, only god knows why.

In his minds it's only this…

_What's not to love._

She is so beautiful, and fun, and quirky, and so confident and secure with herself, and has so much soul.

She stir's and he thinks he is caught. He's not though, so he continues his examination of her.

She very seriously and carefully, with wide eyes, tries to scoop some pasta with her fork. She fails, consequently trying again, but Seth can see there's a bit of that patent Summer rage in her actions.

Seth shook his head returning his head back to his own food.

Seth liked this. Where they were at. They were comfortable with each other. And most importantly there was no hostility between them. Things worked themselves out. So he was happy about it. Ryan's advice actually was pretty decent.

He says the advice in his mind. "It's how it is." And only now does it come full circle to Seth.

_It's how it is. The faster I deal with it, the faster it will be over, the faster I can move on to the next thing_.

Pretty simple.

He looks over at Summer once again. She's getting irritated with her pasta. He smiles once again. She goes to take a scoop, but everything slides off her fork. She huff's and dramatically drops her fork which makes a loud clanging noise from the contact it makes with the plate.

"This Carbonara has issues." She says in a huff exasperatedly.

Seth whispered to himself. "And there's that."

-

About an hour later, after the 5 course lunch was done with, the family was summoned to take photos much to the dismay of Julie who whinged about 'why would we take photos after we have eaten.' Summer was bored, over trying to mingle with the banal crowd, and her body was telling her she had to pee so she waved the white flag and went to seek out the toilet. It took her at least 5 minutes to seek it out, of which she considered retaliation on her body making her do such an exhausting task. She walked out drearily looking around for someone to rub shoulders with. On the right near the bar was Marissa, drink in hand, as expected. To the left was Kirsten and Sandy talking to a few suits. Close by to them were the newly Weds talking to an elderly couple. She looked around a bit more and found Ryan playing with some kids. Hmm, that was very appropriate. Kinda explains why Coop was at the bar.

She looked around a bit more. Where was Cohen? She moved over a few steps to see if he was hidden behind any guests. She stopped dead after two steps, her gaze set to the dance floor. Her gaze drenched them.

_Them_.

A guy, familiar, tall lanky, ivory belt, in dire need of a haircut. A girl, tall and slender, a flowing tight deep blue dress, long brunette hair veiled her face.

Summer took a breath, her bottom lip instinctively becoming pinned by her teeth. She watched as his lips move - unheard obscenities, and the reaction by the girl – undeserved glee. She also watched how the girl had her hands comfortably around Seth's neck, and also how Seth rested his on the small of the girl's back.

She continued to watch for a while as they swayed along to the music, their mouths taking turns in exercising, telling unheard stories.

Well, when seeing it now, it makes sense doesn't it? He has been fine with how they have been interacting even though she has been leaning into him, and sending very mixed signals. So why wouldn't he seize this opportunity to hook up with someone? He is the grandson of the groom who just happens to be the richest person in the town, of which he owns half of. All Seth has to do is introduce himself to any of the girls here and the rest is history.

Sometimes Summer really hated how people operated around here.

The girl was pretty good looking, and she seemed to be older, probably a college girl. Summer stomach dropped even further. They were laughing together. She lowered her eyes as the tugging in her chest was getting too much, but after a second her eyes rose back to the pair. She couldn't stop watching. She simply stood there solemnly watching and unable to do anything about it.

She reached her right hand up to rub under her eyes.

"Shit." She says.

There were tears and black on her fingers. She took one final glance at them before she turned around to go back to the bathroom.

She didn't bother to look at the mirror at first. She went and collected some paper towels before leaning on the sink. Looking up at the mirror, who hasn't been a friend in a long time, she simply sighed. She started to fix her make up before someone came strutting through the bathroom door.

Hailey looked at Summer for a second, waiting to see if she was going to say anything. Summer looked at her for a second, "Hi," she said simply before returning back to her mission to not look like one the many guys who try to be _too_ unique from one of the stupid band's that Seth's likes. Hailey just raised an eyebrow before going to the sink beside Summer.

Hailey hesitated for a second before she decided to see if Summer was okay. She liked Summer. She had observed plenty of herself in the tiny brunette that weekend that the boys went to Vegas. In fact she could see the scaringly close parallels in how they were in high school. Mostly because they both shared that carefree yet biting attitude that they were allowed due to their parents social status and security of their life style.

"What's going on?" Hailey asked smoothly.

Summer shook her head for a sec, then went back to work fixing her makeup, trying to brush it off.

"You've been crying." Hailey stated.

Summer settled back into standing position. She fiddled with the material in her hands. "It's nothing… I'm just being stupid."

"Probably…" Summer gave her an unsatisfied look before Hailey continued. "But there is a reason why you are."

Summer didn't respond. She sighed and went back to her mission. After a moment she said, "I saw Seth out there dancing with a girl."

"O." Was Hailey's only response. "I didn't think Seth had it in him." She added after a moment.

"He doesn't." Summer responded. "He is doing it inadvertently. But it still hurts like a bitch."

Hailey looked at Summer for a moment, gauging her. "You got all teary eyed pretty quick then…"

Summer shrugged as a response. She turned to Hailey. "All good?" She asked in notion of if she had fixed her makeup.

Hailey grabbed something out of her purse; she reached up to Summer helping her out. "Do you know the person Seth was with?"

"Nope. No idea." Summer said making sure not to move her head.

"Huh, wonder who it is then…" Hailey said while concentrating on Summer's makeup. "Kay, all done." She stood back observing her grand work. "Better then before." She said smiling. "Let's head?"

Summer thought for a second "I want to ask you something first. - Wait, why did you come to the bathroom, you haven't done anything."

Hailey slightly laughed. The parallels. "I just came to check how my reflection was looking in the mirror. I forgot to check before the photos and just wanted to see that I wasn't looking like you did a few minutes ago."

Summer laughed it off. "Okie dokie." She writhed her hands together anxiously. "Did Seth say anything to you about us, like, after we broke up? Did he share any thoughts or anything with you?" She felt like she could ask Hailey. She knew that she would give a proper answer, not a riddle or whatever like the others. Something straight up that she could feel.

Hailey looked down at Summer with a gentle smile. She was quite for a moment thinking of which direction to take with her answer. "Yea he did say a few things. Most of which doesn't matter now, but he was pretty cut up over how when you guys where together everything was fine, but when outside factors where introduced, that's when things went haywire. I mean he said that you guys never even had a proper argument."

Summer squinted, slightly confused. She got lost in her thoughts for a moment. She never thought about it like that. Without Anna or school pressures or her dad, things were so smooth, so flowing and comfortable. But the no arguing, pffft. "That's not true, we argued all the ti…."Summer sighed. Ouch. She knew what he meant. A proper relationship argument, they had not even had a proper relationship argument and they had been dating for over 3 months."

Hailey nodded knowingly. "A quart a year without an argument. I thought it was a myth." Well maybe that was just in Newport.

Summer turned and leaned on the vanity. "I didn't even know. I sort of grouped everything together."

She knew that Seth was talking about arguments where it was just them, not other people or circumstances that intervened. It was just how they evened themselves out naturally. There was no fights or arguments on how they should be more like this or that. Things just flowed effortlessly once they were together.

"You want him back don't you." Hailey prodded.

Summer didn't answer. She just wanted to clear everything. Clear her mind and heart. Clear everything just like a whiteboard.

"C'mon, let's go see who Seth is with and destroy her self esteem." Hailey said. She moved over to Summer placing her arm around her leading her out of the bathroom. A small smile reached Summer's lips as she quietly followed Hailey's direction.

-

Hmm...would'nt it be cool if some of the other old SS writers came back to say hello :)


End file.
